Ranting AGAIN

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by *dilligaf*, Mar 21, 2008.

  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    wanting to scream. people keep asking me what's wrong and I literally don't know. How stupid is that?!?!?! I want to scream, cry, shout, lash out, throw something, cut, anything to make all these feelings go away.

    We just been out to the pub with her family and I sat there feeling like crying. People talk to me and it's almost like they are tuned out. I feel out of it. Feel dead inside.

    Living with a 10year old and he has terrible tantrums, can't handle loosing. He's being a normal kid and don't get me wrong I'm not in a mood with him or anything, but it's making me really really really stressy today.

    I know people here care, they have proved that many times but sometimes I feel alone still. Like no one cares. Even I know that that is wrong, but I can't help how I feel.

    I'm having really bad urges to cut recently. The last few nights have been bad. I have resisted so far, but I don't know how long that can last.

    I am so overdrawn on my bank account that I literally had tears in my eyes when I checked it. I don't know how I spend so much...I only pay £100 a month for rent, and then like a phone bill and stuff. It's not like I have much to pay for.

    I miss my Nan. I sat listening to a song earlier and I realised that I never really got to say goodbye to her. She never got to say goodbye to me. When I left the house that morning she was ok, then when I got home that night so was quite bad, then slowly drifted into an almost coma, so even thought I was there with her we never really got to do the goodbyes.

    I want to get a job yet I'm scared. Haven't had one in years and I'm scared what would happen if I was working and had a bad day like I'm having today. What if it pushed me too far?

    I don't even know how to put the rest of my feelings into words to be honest :sad: :sad: :sad:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 21, 2008
  2. me1

    me1 Well-Known Member

    :hug:
     
  3. Surviving

    Surviving Well-Known Member

    Hello ..sam.. with the new pink laptop :smile:

    I don't have any great words of wisdom to offer you, only to tell you I am truly sorry for your pain and your troubles. Try not to think of missed goodbyes, but do think of the captured smiles or laughs that echoed throughout your soul... Find something to divert yourself...any little thing to give a change pace...

    If it makes a difference - on that speedy new laptop - I'll let ya whip me on a few Coffe House threads...:biggrin:
     
  4. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Hehe you actually managed to make me smile!

    Thank you both for your replies :hug:
     
  5. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    sam :hug: i'm sorry for the way you feel hun :hug:
     
  6. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    sometimes sam moods come on and you just don't know why you are feeling the way you do. it's hard to explain to ppl when that happens and harder to calm their frustrations.

    :hug: on msn if you need to talk bout your nan etc. or to even just bullshit.

    take care
     
  7. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    thank u hun, means a lot.

    might take u up on that offer at some point....not toonight though as i'm about to get drunk :laugh: