ranting again

[thedeafmusician]

To Dad:
I swear, if you're gonna kick yourself out and not come back, then DONT COME BACK. simple. Dont expect me to do your laundry for you just coz you snuck it into the basket while i was at school. Somehow I dont think that Mum wants to do it either. sometimes, I wonder if you still remember what it was like before you changed. it aint the same now... you've changed - for the worse. you know, you *used* to be a half decent guy, but still, you know, things change I guess.

To Mum:
Mother dear, for crying out loud, please just take some time out to take care of yourself. you're not coping, even if you wont admit it. i'm not a baby, I'm not fully unable to take care of myself... if you havent realised its what I've done for the last three or four years. please, for me? Just take some time out to recuop, or else it'll take its toll on you. I know that you act like you dont care and stuff, and I understand that its how you want to deal with it, but it isnt gonna get you anywhere if you're sick on top of all this.

To everything in general:
Fucking hell how much more of this can I take before I collapse and crumble?! I almost did today, in the counsellors office... or well I did. I was on the verge of tears the whole time... because of the weekend... I finally caught up with myself, and then the one thing she said just opened everything up... everything I TRIED to not get to me. Mum's so lucky in that she cant remember... unlike me. I still remember it all. I was just sitting there, shaking, and crying. I couldnt help it. i couldnt be strong for another second. i couldnt take it... just, well everything thats happened in the last few weeks. I cant be strong all the time... i just cant. and yet i still have to try at least, for everyone.

she even decided today that I was so sleep deprived that she made me go to sickbay and sleep for an hour before going to lunch... so in effect I missed half a day of school at counselling or asleep. great, now I'm even more behind. :dry:

i can barely keep it together as it is. today it took so much effort to drag myself out of bed and pretend I was ok, and go to school, which resulted in me nearly falling asleep in Home Period, and actually falling asleep in english class. I'll be lucky to survive the week without breaking. its probably only a matter of time. I barely survived today... so whats more a week?

im so tired of it all... :cry:

 

[stevtomato]

My point in joining this forum was to complain and seek for help, but by reading all of your posts.. many of the posts that are posted here... that just makes me feeel so stupid... why do i need to feel so down? my problem is not as great as many of you feel like to, why do I even feel like commiting suicide? how idiotic can one be? sigh, that's me.

Hey deaf musician, I am a musician too... being a musician, i knwo that you must feel more sensitive, i am like that too... i can get really sad over a tiny little bit of thing... so, i can understand you... your problem is so large yet you are coping.. if you feel like crying, then do so, i think that would do you good actually... you wil feel better letting it out... if not, let it out in music. Like i play the piano or i compose sad pieces.... as an emotional output... other than that... do you have msn? lets bfriends!

 

[Sa Palomera]

TDM, you know you can always count on me, ok? you got my msn, my email, my number. You can ALWAYS count on me, phone me when you're down or whatever. I'm here for you xxx

 

[thedeafmusician]

Stevetomato: Ok, first off, there is no need, and I repeat, NO NEED to compare your problems with that of someone elses - why? Because no one is in exactly the same situation, so how to you measure how well someone can cope or how they feel because of it? You arent being idiotic, and dont let us stop you from complaining, you have every right to complain and rant about stuff, no matter how small your problem may seem to you - because believe me it wont seem as small to someone else chances are. Believe me, I know, lol.
Music is one of the few things that keep me sane... heh... I play piano too. I agree with you, music is a great release.
Anyways... welcome to the forum again. ^^

Ishtar: I'm just so tired of everything... Thankyou hun... just well... thankyou... for replying... oh and for the text yesterday :hug: xxx


Thanks for the replies, I wasnt really expecting any, I was just glad to rant haha. I have to get by somehow.. its either that, or I collapse, and I absolutely refuse to hit rock bottom again, even though it'll happen again, and so in the meantime im trying to do all I can to NOT get there.

TDM

 

[Sa Palomera]

:hug: 's