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!! Ranting !!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Marshmallow, Jul 26, 2007.

  1. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    I'm in a beautiful place, beautiful weather, beautiful hotel, beautiful everything. I should be happy. Should be thankful that i get to see a beautiful place like this. But what do i do?? sit here everyday thinking about cutting. Am sitting in a bar, drinking vodka with a man playing live music and all i can think about is slicing my arm to pieces. I should be happy but i'm not.

    I'm deeply in love with someone and lucky enough to be in a relationship with them and what do i do?? think about cutting all the time, regardless of whether their with me or not. I love them to bits and would do anything. She makes me so damn happy, so why do i still feel like hurting myself which will in turn hurt them?

    I'm surrounded by 5 people that i would do anything for. Their all having a good time. I'm spoiling it for them. Ruining their holiday by being ................... me. I should just walk out of this hotel and never come back. Keep walking until i physically can't anymore. With any luck some mad man will do everyone a favor and whack me over the head.

    I should be happy and i'm not. Fair enough sometimes i do feel extremely happy but can someone be truly happy when they picture them self's cutting their arm to pieces. The only thing thats stopping me cutting is the fact it's too damn hot to cut on my arm. Thinking about finding another place. Legs maybe. NO ONES ever gonna see there. Just gonna sit here getting drunk. Maybe fate will guild me to the pool outside and just let me fucking drown.
  2. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    darling neither fate nor ME is going to let you drown. im not letting u go, EVER. i mean it. i love u to bits. theres not much i can do while you are that far away but believe me as soon as u come back im going to do EVERYTHING i can to make u happy. fight for me if u cant find the energy to fight for urself honey. please?
  3. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Trying to hide it, trying to hide it, trying to hide it, trying to hide it, trying to hide it.

    Gonna walk off in a min. About to cry. Got mum bugging me. Just asked whats a matter. So badly wanna turn round and say 'you know tall tower above us?? well i wanna throw myself off it!'

    Nights are getting worse, getting down EVERY single night. Gonna walk off. Keep walking. Walk to my room maybe. Sit in the bathroom staring at the blades. Think about it. Sit there and cry like the pathetic fuck up i am. Get pissed, REALLY pissed and see if i have the courage to do it.

    Meh. Tonight will tell.
  4. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    :hug: Please stay safe hun
  5. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Geez, now im apparenlty snapping. Meh, i have an idea. Might do it in a min. GO exploring to that place. Leaving in a bit. Gonna go get it. Take it apart. Give myself what i need. Not gonna be stupid. Gonna be smart. Smart is what i need to do. Can't cry. Hold back the tears. Not letting them now somethings wrong. Gonna leave them in bar. Go think. Go think about a few things. Need to think. Need this sorted. Need this out of my head. Need it gone.
  6. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Hey viks

    Just becaues you are somewhere that's beautiful doesn't mean your issues and problems don't follow you. I have tried to run before but problems always follow. I think you are a strong person and I believe in my heart you canfight this.You and sam both deserve so much happiness...and so much love.I hope that you stay srong and fight through the urges.

    Always Kell

    Im here to talk if you need