I'm in a beautiful place, beautiful weather, beautiful hotel, beautiful everything. I should be happy. Should be thankful that i get to see a beautiful place like this. But what do i do?? sit here everyday thinking about cutting. Am sitting in a bar, drinking vodka with a man playing live music and all i can think about is slicing my arm to pieces. I should be happy but i'm not. I'm deeply in love with someone and lucky enough to be in a relationship with them and what do i do?? think about cutting all the time, regardless of whether their with me or not. I love them to bits and would do anything. She makes me so damn happy, so why do i still feel like hurting myself which will in turn hurt them? I'm surrounded by 5 people that i would do anything for. Their all having a good time. I'm spoiling it for them. Ruining their holiday by being ................... me. I should just walk out of this hotel and never come back. Keep walking until i physically can't anymore. With any luck some mad man will do everyone a favor and whack me over the head. I should be happy and i'm not. Fair enough sometimes i do feel extremely happy but can someone be truly happy when they picture them self's cutting their arm to pieces. The only thing thats stopping me cutting is the fact it's too damn hot to cut on my arm. Thinking about finding another place. Legs maybe. NO ONES ever gonna see there. Just gonna sit here getting drunk. Maybe fate will guild me to the pool outside and just let me fucking drown.