So I'm on a new dose of meds and it seems to be working. While I don't feel happier, I no longer have the huge physical feeling of doom that I did a month ago. I've been admitted to the Centre for Student's with disabilities at my University because my depression is strong enough to make me lose focus. This has allowed me to get extensions on projects from profs and basically not be interrogated for not showing up as often to anything that I don't have to show up for. You'd think that this would give me hope, but nope. Even with the extensions I just don't care about any of it and it still doesn't make it easier. And while I know I'm far from the worse someone can be at, I'm just so tired of being alone that I just want things over with. I am almost everthing to girls that they want in a boyfriend without actually having to be physical with me. I'm loyal, honest, caring, protective and supportive. It's who I am and I don't blame them. I know what I look like and I wouldn't date me either. I've tried the be more confident and I've tried to be more out there, but all I end up doing is getting my hopes up. I twist things around in my mind and it's not going to end well. Saturday night is a party. I should be able to get drunk enough to numb myself, then it's over.