I'm sorry for those of you who may be offended by this, but I seriously think something's wrong with me. Like I'm sick in the head or something. Or that something's not right with my brain. I don't know what I should be doing about it. For a few years now I've fantasized about being raped. No, they're not dreams, like when I'm sleeping--they're actual fantasies, daydreams. I try to suppress them as much as I can because I know rape is a horrible thing, and people out there have actually been raped and it's torn them up inside, but sometimes I just can't help it. It's sick, I know, and I feel bad whenever it happens. Do any of you know why I may be fantasizing about things like this? It's not just rape sometimes... Sometimes I fantasize about dying or killing myself. And on really rare occasions, I think about what it would be like if my mom or dad died, or my siblings, or my grandparents. I know it's terrible, but I've never lost a loved one and I know plenty of people who have and, on some level, I want to know what it's like, losing a loved one. One time, when my grandfather was sent to the ER, I actually thought, "Finally, maybe I'll finally know what it feels like." Afterward, I felt so horrible about it I began to cry. Not because of the thought of losing my grandfather, but because I realized how horrible I was being thinking that. It's that bad. And the worst part is I don't know why I'm like this. I just feel really bad thinking and fantasizing about these things. Does anyone know what I can do to stop it all? Or, at least know why it happens? Again, I'm very sorry if I offended anyone--especially those who've been sexually abused or have lost loved ones.