Rape, I don't understand?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by lonely_child, Feb 17, 2009.

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  1. lonely_child

    lonely_child Member

    How someone could make something as special as giving birth to a new life, but end up raping their own son or daughter? Why do rape victim feel guilty, I don't understand. I was bully for most of my life, It affected me deeply, but not in any sort of direct way. I'm not sure if rape is like being bully, I got beat on pretty bad, even got my nose broke, and always hated life and still do. It has effect my self-esteem, confidence, and who know what else, but it indirectly affecting me. I do know that there is no telling what I would do if I ever meet any of my past bullies, gods know there shall be no highway to hell that has a much stronger wrath then my own redemption without mercy. But I don't feel guilty, I don't feel ashame, don't get me wrong, my life is useless now, I'm pretty much useless, I'm all used up, can't do anything right, no one want me. End up all alone just like what I predicted from the very beginning, but I am not afraid anymore. In a way it has empower me, no one dare to mess with me, I work out, am pretty strong, help me through life.

    I was hoping maybe rape victim would let me know what it is like to be rape. Bullying has cost me my life :dry:, I just can' t understand at this point. If it just sex, then people do it daily, but I see girls get all bruise up an stuff and sex (not sure if I can say the S word?) can be rough but not that rough. Rape is wrong either way, and so is bullying, both should be in jail by now, but few get caught and bully is consider crimeless even though it affect your emotional state damage unseen years from now.
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm NOT a rape victim, so I am probably not what you are looking for, but I'm going to invade and reply anyway.

    When someone is raped it is not about sex, it is normally about control. It is showing a very important and intimate level of control, and leaves the person incredibly vulnerable after having been violated in such a personal way.

    Each type of abuse will affect people differently, and each person will be affected differently by the different types of abuse. So emotional abuse can damage someones beliefs about themselves, their self esteem, etc. Often physical abuse, neglect and sexual abuse also suffer from the emotional abuse side too, but the other types of abuse also draw in other aspects, so like the control issue, or making someone vulnerable, or violating something personal. They have physical repercussions, but they also ALL have mental/emotional repercussions.

    As for why people do it? The only person who can TRULY answer that is the poeple that do it, and they are normally such cowards that they would never face what they did and try to explain. No explanaton would be a good enough reason, but they must have a reason why they do it, even if they don't want to admit to it.

    I don't think I have explained much but maybe it might kick start your thread.
  3. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member





    When you're bullied it's usually because you're weaker than the bully. Our culture, however has tons of lesson plans for what happens when the weak are bullied. There's movies about revenge - we know that bullies need to be served their own medicine whether they're in first grade or despotic warlords in Afghanistan.

    Being molested or raped is very different. There's no cultural medium that openly discusses the negative effects and solutions to it. There really isn't one anyway. I feel guilty for many reason - I was a kid when I was molested and raped, and as a child since an adult does it you assume that you're being punished. It's not odd that I should have low self-esteem as the abuse was a pretty clear indicator that I had no control in the world - not even with my body. In addition, I learned that I had to submit to people regardless of how bad it made me feel.

    Then you have to deal with being ostracized. And you have to deal with some people not believing you, or God forbid having to see the abuser again and again. It's not something pleasant to talk about; I don't think you'll get much answers. Especially since you haven't been sexually abused yourself.

    Sorry to hear about your continuing struggle against the effect of the bullies. They can be really hard. :hug:

  4. xan

    xan Chat Buddy

    Rape is not sex. Was going to say more.. but... :unsure: never mind.
  5. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    People are not bullied because they are weaker than the bully! Often, when someone is bullied, it is actually very little to do with them and more to do with the problems the bully has. Often the bully has low self esteem, or has other problems, or whatever, and releases that is a very anti social way. No, that does not make bullying right, or makes it ok in any sort of way at all, but that is what happens when someone bullies someone else.

    When someone is bullied it can leave horrific and life long problems and there is no excuse for it.

    What I do think, however (and this is my opinion, and yes, I have been bullied), is that often the person doing the bullying needs as much as help the person being bullied, and this is one of the areas where the schools are slipping up.
  6. shadow44

    shadow44 Member

    I know that i feel guilty because i was taught by my abusers that i deserved what was happening to me and that it was punishment for being who i am. I thought that, and sometimes still do, I was being sexually and psychologically abused because of being who i am and things i had done.

    I dont want to tell you what it is like and you really dont want to know. But it is not just sex. in fact it isnt really sex at all. how can it be, especially if the child being abused is so young. There is no pleasure or love in abuse. it is often verrry painful and violent. Often there is physical abuse as well. and because there is no consent it tears you up to have to have a physical experience with someone who you would NEVER want to do that with, be it because they are family, older, or just not a good person, w/e. Like bullying, it is about controlling the other person and doing whatever you want to them because they are powerless. And yes.. sex can be very very rough when it is rape people do terrible terrible things to people's bodies. there can be permanent damage and long term pain. I hope this helps you understand.
  7. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    sex, is love, and caring and thoughtfull.

    rape is like having your limbs ripped off and shoved down you throat (in my opinion). you are helpless, being violated and it is horrible. i believe for the rapist it is all about control as they havent had control before in their own life. but to do that to someoen who is unwilling and not responsible for your own problems is just pure evil.
  8. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 20, 2009
  9. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    :hug: Dysphoric.

    I haven't been raped (psychologically raped yes), but I most probably have been sexually messed around with a lot in my life but didn't know that it was wrong. I had the same emotionally, physically with my family etc. But when I was 11 I knew I had to stop talking to my father so maybe at that young age, I knew what was right and wrong and what I could and couldn't take, how to make a strong strong boundary for my own survival.

    It's not about sex. My father is a control freak who has no boundaries when it comes to who he is and who his children are (he doesn't even know how old we are, we are just, there, for him, non-human things that he created), we are basically extensions of himself, and he treated us like punching bags.

    Why did I feel guilty and disgusted with myself and nearly died with my eating disorder? Because I internalise people who do me harm so I start to think I AM that person and feel guilty for that cos I know the behaviour is wrong but also guilty for just being hurt. This started with my father and it was prolonged mental,emotional and physical torture (and my old counsellor said she wouldn't be surprised if he sexually molested me) as far as I can remember and my memory isn't good, for good reason. He controlled my body and everything and created a part that hurts myself (which is for my own survival no doubt but that can also kill me). I was controlled. I was controlled when to smile, when to eat, when to do everything. I couldn't cry. I was punished for feeling, for being just human, the human need to feel safe he'd take that away too (say our house was being attacked by rapists can you believe that, at 10 yrs old). I was in a prison till I was 15. When I got to a certain age he started to control us sexually not through touching but verbally was very explicit towards my sister and myself which harmed me definitely....

    Rape is one example of torture. Torture can mean people's physical/psychological boundaries are blurred, which can mean, the guilt/shame and whatever personal problems the torturer is holding him/herself, is easily passed on to the person on the receiving end.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 20, 2009
  10. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Great post. I completely agree. The whole thing about the 'weak' being bullied, or the 'weak' gets abused really gets to me.
  11. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member


    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 20, 2009
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