rape nightmare and thoughts of suicide

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by deadtoeveryone, Apr 19, 2010.

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  1. deadtoeveryone

    deadtoeveryone Active Member

    finally went to sleep at 6 this morning.. had a nightmare of being raped by my dad.. scared me half to death. woke up at 8 couldnt get back to sleep.. i am so exhausted from not being able to sleep.. im scared of falling asleep. makes me want to end things.. sick of having these nightmares.. uggh!
  2. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I think you should consider going to see a doctor/therapist about this hun, you dont have to press charges, just for your own health and safety, I'd rather you were put through an uncomfortable time with a therapist than you taking your own life :hug:
  3. 8125

    8125 Well-Known Member

    i agree with wheresmysheep. SF is a great place to find people who can comfort you and relate to you, but i think you could really benefit from seeing someone professional. i know it's hard - maybe consider writing it down or printing your posts off like someone suggested in your other thread? and they might be able to prescribe you pills to help you sleep. sleeping pills have somewhat helped me with insomnia and, like you, being scared to fall asleep. not a perfect solution, but better than getting so sleep deprived that it's debilitating.
    take care
  4. deadtoeveryone

    deadtoeveryone Active Member

    i just dont know if i can.. im not sure if i want the real world to know about this yet, if you know what i mean.. not that i dont consider you all real people cuz i know you are and you are all very caring which i am very grateful for... im just not ready to bring it into my life..i guess i have gotten so good at hiding it that i just dont know how to actually express myself around people.. i ve thought about printing it out.. idk i guess we ll see.
  5. 8125

    8125 Well-Known Member

    i know exactly what you mean. and i agree it's a lot easier on SF, but even writing down and posting on here is a big step, so that's impressive in itself. i'm glad you've at least found us :)
  6. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    It is hard... man - I still have nights I fight going to sleep until I am too exhausted, and just collapse into the bed...

    Please give finding a therapist a try - it is soo soo hard, and so worth it if you find a good one.... Someone who can understand and give you their undivided time at least for a session every week....

    In the mean time - try doing things to be kind to yourself - it helps to do aerobic exercise or deep breathe...

    Also, remind yourself - you aren't that child anymore - you can be stronger now even if it is hard... that is what was so hard for me to accept - that I had learned from a very young age to give up - "learned helplessness" - no one ever taught me that I should be cared for, or how to protect myself - now I have to care for myself -

    It helped me to buy myself a teddy bear for comfort and to "bring me back" from the flashbacks.....

    You are strong enough to have survived this far, and to post some of your story... that was hard - so be nice to yourself. You are worth taking care of and protecting - please do
  7. carekitty

    carekitty Guest

    I'm sure sorry. I know how awful it is to have these type of nightmares, and wake up with your heart pounding.

    And I know how hard it is to talk to someone about what happened. Would it be possible to write it down, and then find a therapist and have them read what you wrote? Maybe that would be easier than voicing the words. After they have had time to read what you write, you could spend time with them, and they would already know your history, without you having to go through it.
  8. deadtoeveryone

    deadtoeveryone Active Member

    im sorry you had to go through this too.. its pretty sh***y.. i cant help myself, but maybe we can help each other out.. idk.. i dont even think i can tell a therapist that i need to talk to them..
  9. carekitty

    carekitty Guest

    Do you think it would help at all to have a sort of "trial run"? What I mean is write about your experience, and have someone read it? If you think this would help, I'd be more than willing to read your story if you want to e-mail it to me. I would never judge you, and I understand how all this feels.

    In any case, I am here for you.
  10. deadtoeveryone

    deadtoeveryone Active Member

    thank you carekitty... idk i have to think about it.. life is a little overwhelming right now and i dont know if i could handle it at the moment... but maybe in the future.
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