Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Petal, Feb 2, 2015.

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  1. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I was molested and raped when I was 12 and often I get horrible PTSD reminders......

    Last week I had a bladder examination, I opted for a general anesthetic as I would not have been able to cope otherwise. I was given the anesthetic at 1pm, I awoke at about 1.20pm and I was so sore, it was the exact same sore feelings after being raped, it all came back, so fast. I started crying and a nurse in the recovery room noticed and I pretended I was just sweating, I felt like I had been dragged through hell, my mind was foggy only for the PTSD thoughts, his face, his hands, his you know what....

    It was so upsetting and unsettling for me, I think more needs to be done for PTSD people. They were not even aware I had PTSD and I didn't want to trouble them although before I was asleep a nurse said we'll lift up the sheet now and I said I feel uncomfortable so they left it until I was asleep.

    I am not sure how to feel now, I am doing good but felt the need to talk about this :(
  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I have had a few intimate gynae exams where I have had all sorts put up there (for medical reasons). It's horrible enough as it is, without having PTSD from rape and sexual abuse. I last had swabs taken over a year ago as I was having abnormal bleeding and was in a mixed state at the time and during the exam I had flashbacks when the doctor widened the speculum and I started crying. It hurt even more because I was so tense and couldn't relax. She had to take the swabs quickly and couldn't get a proper look. It was weird because I've had plenty of vaginal examinations before and had no problems, but this one made me flash back. It's horrible but the feeling soon settled as I knew it was for a medical examination and I was in control the entire time.
  3. storm

    storm Well-Known Member

    I am so so so sorry you went through that. No child...No PERSON should ever go through this. My heart breaks for you, dear. I'm also so freaking proud of you for surviving. You are a fighter and you made it through something so terrible. I admire your strength.

    I've been through similar things so I can relate and I want you to know that if you ever need to talk about something you can PM me anytime. PTSD is so hard to cope with. Do you have a therapist? I find it really helpful to talk to mine sometimes about PTSD symptoms.

    Stay strong. :hug:
  4. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    currently also dealing with some traumas and sexual things so empathize.
    i think sharing stories and then letting go works. until the next time. but works a long time
  5. storm

    storm Well-Known Member

    Oh i wanted to share one more thing! I think you might really benefit from this :)
    About a year ago my therapist suggested I write down my memories in colored gel pens and then when I was done, run them under the faucet and watch them drip away in a prettier state then they were. It helped me to let go of some things and after a while my PTSD symptoms decreased. I want to start doing it again as my symptoms have been getting bad again.

    I hope you try it and I hope it helps you. You are kind, beautiful soul. Never forget that :hug:
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Thanks everyone for the kind and compassionate responses. Like you Lexi, I had a smear test in 2011 and it was just done by a female nurse and I did not even get tense and it was fine, I think the problem in mine was the doctor was male, the anesthetist was male, there were many people in the room. I felt awful. The waking up was just like a living hell with the pain,flashbacks (were severe), I cried when I got home too, to myself.

    I was hoping talking here would help and it certainly has, thank you all so much, storm that is an amazing idea, I will literally keep that in a document on my laptop and tell others that tip in the future too, thanks so much and scareyforest thanks for your kind words.
  7. smwhorses

    smwhorses Well-Known Member

    I wish i could offer you more then just support. PTSD is why my daughter wants to become a DR.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Your support is more than enough, you caring is more than enough, thank you and good luck to your daughter trying to contribute to this little understood illness by ''normal'' people.
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