The box I had closed and hidden away as opened and is now spilling over, I thought I could deal with it..how naive. this weekend I found out my older sister was abused by old man, my younger sister my uncle, both abused me. I was abused by 4 people, and was raped when I was 9 after a game of kiss chase by someone older then me went wrong. I was also raped at 15 by 2 men who I knew for several years...when I was 18 I was raped by an unknown man, January of this year i was sexually attacked by 5 men. I've tried to rebuild my life, I knew they were things I had to face so I could find peace and I start of the self discovery journey..that was the biggest mistake ever..opening that box has opened to many wounds, to many questions, too many feelings. I can't continue this. sorry. Yes I want to die, I am scared of living, scared of waiting for it to happen again. I can't deal with the mixed, confusing memories that keep coming up, and staying. I want to die. I want to die. I don't care if they win. seeing their faces everyday is more then I can take.