I am out of ways to deal I getting closer and closer to snapping. A few years ago I was raped on my sisters couch by her boyfriend. I didn’t tell anyone, I couldn’t tell anyone out fear they would hate, not believe, not care, ect. My sister was being abused mentally by her boyfriend and she kept telling me she was going to leave him but nothing came of that. Then she started cheating on him and complaining all the time. One night were hanging out and I figure after everything she says and does I decided to tell her. She flipped then a week later they were engaged and planning on getting married. My sister started abusing me by calling me at work or leaving abusive txt that would throw me in to hysterics. My mother and other sister found out but never came to me and asked if I was ok. My mother was trying to push my sister and my rapist together. I confronted mother and she said “come on? Really?’ as is she didn’t believe me. I told my grandmother and she acted like I didn’t know what rape was and I was mistaken. Around that time I took up cutting and banging my head. My whole family turned there backs on me and didn’t speak to me for months. They all started abusing me and harassing me. Around that time I went to drugs. My sister finally left her fiancé but her life started going down hill she turned to drugs. My sister fell in love with a new guy but my mother told her that if she didn’t get her whole family back together she would no longer support her forcing my sister back with my rapist. I can’t go nor am I invited to any family events that have my rapist their so that’s everywhere my sister is. I now have to face a life where I can never see my favorite sister. She used to be my best friend. I am dating a new guy and he knows everything but he is all I have. I am living with him and his parents but we can’t have sex every time we become intimate I think about my rapist and I start to cry. He is so great but once a month for about a week he treats me like dirt on his shoe. He has bruised me a only few times but for the most part he is mainly mentally abusive. He is all I have I don’t have anyone or anything. I love him but he is killing me. Every time I try to get help I wimp out. I don’t know how to talk to anyone face to face. I am the most timid and shy girls in the world. I am dying mentally and I lost hope a long time ago. I am no longer happy and I just don't want to deal with this anymore.