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Raped and Dead inside...Cant take it anymore.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by senya, Oct 23, 2009.

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  1. senya

    senya New Member

    I am out of ways to deal I getting closer and closer to snapping.

    A few years ago I was raped on my sisters couch by her boyfriend. I didn’t tell anyone, I couldn’t tell anyone out fear they would hate, not believe, not care, ect.

    My sister was being abused mentally by her boyfriend and she kept telling me she was going to leave him but nothing came of that. Then she started cheating on him and complaining all the time. One night were hanging out and I figure after everything she says and does I decided to tell her. She flipped then a week later they were engaged and planning on getting married.

    My sister started abusing me by calling me at work or leaving abusive txt that would throw me in to hysterics.

    My mother and other sister found out but never came to me and asked if I was ok. My mother was trying to push my sister and my rapist together. I confronted mother and she said “come on? Really?’ as is she didn’t believe me. I told my grandmother and she acted like I didn’t know what rape was and I was mistaken. Around that time I took up cutting and banging my head.

    My whole family turned there backs on me and didn’t speak to me for months. They all started abusing me and harassing me. Around that time I went to drugs.

    My sister finally left her fiancé but her life started going down hill she turned to drugs. My sister fell in love with a new guy but my mother told her that if she didn’t get her whole family back together she would no longer support her forcing my sister back with my rapist.

    I can’t go nor am I invited to any family events that have my rapist their so that’s everywhere my sister is. I now have to face a life where I can never see my favorite sister. She used to be my best friend.

    I am dating a new guy and he knows everything but he is all I have. I am living with him and his parents but we can’t have sex every time we become intimate I think about my rapist and I start to cry.

    He is so great but once a month for about a week he treats me like dirt on his shoe. He has bruised me a only few times but for the most part he is mainly mentally abusive. He is all I have I don’t have anyone or anything. I love him but he is killing me.

    Every time I try to get help I wimp out. I don’t know how to talk to anyone face to face. I am the most timid and shy girls in the world.

    I am dying mentally and I lost hope a long time ago. I am no longer happy and I just don't want to deal with this anymore.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I was timid shy no trust towards other but you need to get help.
    You cannot do this alone just talk to a councillor someone outside your family
    someone with an objective view
    I believe you and if you have the strength tell the police and press charges against him
    If not thats okay because you need to focus on you and your healing now
    There is hope and healing but you have to reach out for it
    Call crisis team they are the best for getting you support
    You have to know nothing was your fault and he should be made to pay for his crime but first call and get help support for you okay
    Glad you are here keep post keep talking we understand and believe you
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You do need to get help. Even if you talk to your primary care doctor to try and get a counselor or therapist that way. You don't have to go through this alone.
  4. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Hello Senya,

    Violet and Wild Cherry have made good suggestions - you do need to get yourself some help. But in the meantime come and talk here, you'll get lots of support and understanding that will make you start to feel a bit better about yourself.

    Also, I can't help thinking you've got to get away from this boyfriend, it sounds as if he is just making you feel worse and worse about yourself, instead of helping.

    Please keep posting.
  5. nmarques

    nmarques Member

    There are no words I can express to relief you pain and anger, but I can let you know something, between 2001 and 2003 I've lived with a girl that had been victimized by someone sexually. I can't imagine your pain, but I can tell you from first hand that it also burns and strings all of those who surround you. This might sound harsh, but you have to hold to yourself, stand up and look them straight in the eyes and challenge them.

    In 2006, my ex-girlfriend, not the one mentioned priviously was drugged and abused on a party. I know months later, but I had spotted before some signs which led me to believe it. 2 months later she opened the game to me... afraid that I would do something stupid... Back then I led a small group of friends loyal to me and we prepared to engage the agressors (it was two of her supposed friends from the university), in the end only a warning was issued. There isnt a single day in my life that I dont regret the fact that I haven't actually hurted them.

    No matter how hard it sounds, some people destroy other life for no meaning, you need to be stronger then them and fight for your happiness. True freedom is not about being able to say things, but it's all about being yourself... Don't let them take away the most 2 precious things you have, your freedom and your life.

    Whenever you need to speak, drop a line here. Stand and fight, most of us are survivors here, you need to survive aswell.

    An ancient oriental saying claims that every man's life is concern of everyone surrounding them. Those who love you won't judge you, don't hurt them, instead hang on to them, cause they will get you to safety and right on track.

    Keep typing.
  6. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    I don't understand how any man can ever assault a woman the way that you say you have been. As much as I have gotten frustrated in the way women have treated me the way I have been, I could never lay a hand on them or purposely cause them mental stress.

    I hope that you can remain strong enough to fight these assholes that do this to you and that sooon you will find a man who you truly deserve and who knows that they deserve you.

    Please remain string and I hope that what you deserve finds you soon. Every woman deserves their own personal knight in shining armor.
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Senya,
    I don't know how long ago this happened but if it's less than seven years then you need to report him..If he did this to you then he could do it to someone else..
    You need help to get thru this.. I think you should find yourself a female therapist so you feel comfortable enough to talk to her..No man has the right to treat a woman in this manner..
    If your family won't support you in this then wash your hands of them..You don't need to relive this everytime you see them..
    As far as your boyfiend goes you need to tell him you won't be treated in this manner..If he persists in this behavouir then leave him.. You deserve so much more..You will find support here at the forum.. We don't judge..We are here for you.. If you need to talk to someone personally then PM them and have a private conversation..I wish you all the best..
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