Re: "Don't worry things will get better"

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by RowanBlack, Jun 26, 2016.

  1. RowanBlack

    RowanBlack Member

    This isn't an actual response to a post but a topic I'd like to talk about. I've been told my whole life that "things will get better. Don't worry."

    When I was really young starting at around five I had depression. When I was 13 and started cutting myself I was told that things will get better. At 15 when I entered high school and things got worse I was told things will get better. When I was 18 and I told people I was cutting again I was told things will get better. At 21 things were only worse but now I can drink to help with that. I was told things would get better. At 24 when I went through a divorce I was told things would get better. Now I'm 25 and things haven't gotten better. Things have only proceeded to get worse. Now I'm at an age where people stop saying " things will get better". I've stopped talking to people for the most part and over the last two months I've closed myself off from people who were friends. I don't mind being alone and to be honest I would rather be alone than with shitty people.

    Aside from my brother I don't know of anyone really who I care to even be around. I don't like my job. I'm in tons of debt and am still years and even more debt away from getting a degree that will only make slightly more than I"m making now. I've had to move back in with my parents. My job is dead end with no other opportunities around for better employment. My health is no longer in good condition.

    I'm not saying my life is the worst life on the planet. I'm not saying that there isn't positive points about my life but as a genuine and real question is it going to get better? I think that its a bit of an empty statement that is said to someone who is in an emotionally volatile point in their life where things actually will be better. But the state of my life I don't see any evidence of it improving. If that really is the case then I don't really feel like going through another 30-50 years of it.
     
  2. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hi Rowan, welcome to the forum. I understand what your saying, things get better :) probably people say that as they don't know what else to say and also hope that things do. My Dads favorite saying was "this too shall pass" that is true, whatever way things do change. Either the problem resolves of gets worse. I'm 64 so I've experienced many challenges in life and they have "changed" some for the better, some for the worse. I think most of the time my attitude towards problems either increase or decrease their effect on my life, I do try and remain positive but it's difficult. Anyway, I hope things get better for you and that you choose to stay here and share. There's a lot of good people here facing similar situations who will help and support you. Take care no again welcome
    Brian
     
  3. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    I think things do start to get better but you have to make some effort to help make things better. It is not something that will happen if you do not do anything about it in my opinion.
     
  4. sa-chan

    sa-chan Active Member

    My theory is that many people tell stuff like "it will get better" because they feel bad themselves and hope that things will get better for them. I think it's important to realize that usually there is a way to things being better than they are now, however it's not said that it's going to happen just like that. "It will get better" just like that is kind of unempathic in my eyes.

    Thinking about all your problems at once is overwhelming because our minds can only hold on to a limited amount of information at one time. Breaking your issues up into many smaller issues that are (a bit) easier to tackle each on their own can make a difference. The idea isn't to have many "new" problems and be even more overwhelmed but rather being able to come up with constructive ideas for the individual problems. Pick one and figure out what you can do about it (or what you would the future like to be). Of course you'll have to be realistic but if you can't find a solution for something it doesn't have to mean there isn't any. Sometimes it can also help if you can exchange your issues with others.

    I don't know how much in debt you are but is there any way you could set up a plan to get out of debt in a certain number of years? (Maybe there is a debt center/office or something like that nearby you - however don't go to places that are obviously trying to sell you further debt. Otherwise there are online communities that specifically deal with finances. For example /r/personalfinance on Reddit is well known.)

    Is there any job you would rather do than the one right now and is there a way to get there? You are still young enough to change your career path but the longer you stay in a job you don't like at all the harder it will get to change this later. By all means don't quit your job just now but if you can find something better go for it. You said your current job is a dead end, if it really is it's essential to find an alternative now and not waste too much time there. If you can focus your efforts towards a goal it might be actually easier to achieve it.

    I often feel like my life is not improving at all but honestly many of the issues that used to bother me a lot are not an issue anymore. (It doesn't mean new issues haven't arised though.) I don't know if it's like this for you at all but don't forget that you are always making some kind of progress.
     
  5. MyCatWillMissMe

    MyCatWillMissMe Well-Known Member

    'Things will get better' is a pretty idiotic statement really since they don't know the future. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow and I'm pretty sure that means things didn't get better.

    Maybe it's intended to provide a false sense of security rather than saying 'I hope things get better soon' because that leaves room for doubt. Sometimes some things don't get better but then new or different things occur that do make life better.