Well, a lot of people never thought I would make it this far. Many thought I would have killed myself years ago. And im sure a lot of people I know when they hear the news will wonder why I didnt do it earlier or just avoided it because the worst is over. But my life has become as interesting as watching grass grow. I have only one major horrible incident that has caused me unbearable amounts of stress in my life. But I will admit that at this moment I am not in a lot of stress. I am just too damn lonely and bored simple as that. And im not the type of person to settle for chilling with ur mom or go to a group or call some stupid hotline shit. I want friends my own age , guys to drink and play poker with. Girls to cuddle up watch movies hang out and fuck. But I havnt had a friend in my entire life. Ive just had decepters. Everyday I talk to myself all day long because I have no one to talk with or do anything with. I am in great shape I am 19 years old and I have potential and I know that. But no one likes me in the entire world except animals. And very few of those do. Drugs like me too but I cant do them. They would keep me alive much longer but that is out of the question since society is keeping me away from them for themselves. I wish I had one girl to hang out with once a week and maybe a few dudes to play poker with for 1 hour a week. But i cant even get that. All i have is a bunch of burned movies, an hdtv, a computer, an injured penis, food and shelter. Its gotten to the point where I talk to myself outloud all day long just to make me feel like I am talking to someone. Ill comment on movies or programs like im telling someone. Ill laugh and make jokes to myself. Very crazy shit because I am that bored. Only thing I am contemplating is whether to committ suicide, steal everything I can and buy crack and heroin, murder a few people, or rape some people. I am a good guy but I mean if Im gonna die anyways. 1) No friends 2) No one likes me (fact) 3)No Job 4) Im not ugly and still cant get girls 5) Injured Penis 6) No money 7) No Car 8) Everyone knows my business 9) Nothing has changed in years so why will it ever get better 10) Im a failure 11) Im dumb 12) Theres no point to anything I do (I can try to workout and look good for awhile and I do, then i realize Im just impressing the mirror) 13)No women, no girls will ever even give me a chance to hang out EVER ALWAYS REJECTED i mean hundreds of times even the decent ones or half decent ones 14) Im in physical pain on a daily basis 15) I get panic attacks in public and anxiety attacks EVERYDAY 16) Im always fiending 17) I live with my parents 18)I have no life 19) I didnt go to college and wont be able to 20) I found out I was being deceited by my whole family and everyone I ever knew 21) People watch me 22)I cant do drugs where Im staying, plus I have no one to get them from (NO FRIENDS) (not even 2 hits of marijuana once a month or sumtin, NOTHING) 23)On top of that i used to do all types of drugs everyday when i was younger and now nothing 24) I have a lot of ugly moles 25) Cigarettes dont give me a buzz anymore 26) Im sick of tv and computer and movies 27) I have nothing left to go for or accomplish, everything I want involves people 28) Ive soldiered on through life hoping it would get better for a long time and its only getting worst 29)No one respects me 30)Im an outcast 31) My family makes fun of me everyday all the time 32)My family does drugs and drinks and I cant i can keep going but i wont.