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reached a decision

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I believe I have decided how to go about killing myself. I won't give details except to say I have formulated a plan. It is quite possible I would have done it this week, if not for 2 of my kids being home sick. I need to find a time and a place because I absolutely cannot carry this out at home and run the risk of one of my children finding me. I feel so sorry for what it will do to them but I know that in the long run me being gone will increase their chances of a better life. My husband is a good man and I have no doubt that he will remarry and she will deserve the children more than I do.

I absolutely had hoped not to have to resort to this but I have wasted to much time begging God to take me in an accident or illness.

I don't know why I am telling anyone this but I needed to get it off my chest.



Staff Alumni
Hi MommyOf3 and Welcome...you sound so very desperate right now...what is going on? maybe by posting your feelings you will find ppl who can relate to what you are going through...welcome, no matter why you found us, big hugs
what's going on is as simple as not wanting to be me anymore. I do everything wrong and before I mess up anyone( especially my kids) or anything else I feel like I need to go.

I dont know what you are struggling with be it depression etc., but I can guarantee your kids and your husband would miss you terribly. I know you probably don't see that and you probably think they would be better off but imagine your kids growing up wondering what happened to their mommy that was so bad that she couldn't stay with them. IT will be at errible thing that your children would have to go through. I hope that you find peace but I hope you find it i a way where you will stay on this earth with your children adn husband



Staff Alumni
MO3...I have truly felt like that...sat here with almost all my services off, bills in the mailbox, ppl who love me so concerned, always lying to them about how I was feeling, hated me, hated my life, hated getting up...please stay with us and continue to have your story heard...meet ppl here and you will see that there are ppl who have felt/feel the way you do...big hugs and plez be safe...Jackie
MO3, you say that you "need to go" before you mess up anyone, especially your children. However, I think the most detrimental thing you could do to your children and your family is to kill yourself. There is nothing more final and destructive than death-- I strongly urge you to reconsider.

Confide in your husband, tell him how broken and sick you are feeling. He is your life-partner for a reason! Open up the communication with him, and together you can seek some sort of help! Please, do not do this to yourself, you are worth so much more to God, your husband, your children, and others than just a litany of unanswerable questions.

There are answers to your problems, there are solutions!

You can't beat the video game by turning off the console every time you come to a bad guy, you have to trudge through and you will succeed.
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