Reached breakdown

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rashi, Sep 27, 2015.

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  1. Rashi

    Rashi New Member

    I have been feeling down for more than a year now but recently in the past two to three months I have completely gone into depression. Over eating and sleeping and feeling weak every second of the day is something usual for me. I am almost 18 and have no dreams or hopes or ambitions left inside me. My parents killed those dreams and my self confidence with it. When I told my parents and sister what I was going through on the day of my birthday they did not believe me. My friends wrapped up in their problems do not understand me and at the moment I have no professional help around me at all. Every day for me is a struggle to keep walking or talking or studying. None of the things I used to enjoy give me pleasure anymore. Going to school is a struggle as I am not able to stay awake during classes and in order to stay awake I am drinking black coffee everyday which makes me jittery but helps me stay awake to study. I wish everyday that today would be my last day but alas I am still here and ready to get help from anyone who could give me some way to keep moving on with life.
     
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Hi Rashi - welcome to SF. Are you able to speak with the school nurse about feeling so tired and weak? Depression often makes us feel exhausted, but feeling that weak and sleepy all the time could easily be a physical issue as well. I know it is hard to get parents/family to understand sometimes - not least because they are often the hardest people to talk to - but if you can speak to the school nurse that would help. Also, if you are almost 18 you can make a doctors appointment yourself and speak to them about getting some help. It might be that you need to get some blood tests and see if there is anything that can be helped with a simple medication.

    What were your hopes and ambitions before you lost interest in everything? What did you want from life?
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello & welcome to the forum When you told your family about your struggles did they really not believe you or did they want to brush it under the carpet do you think? You're nearly 18 and at 18 you will be able to get professional help without your family even knowing, if you need to see the doctor now maybe ask them about their confidentiality policy! You deserve to helped. I think you're a smart kid, have your wits about you, just need to boost your self confidence and self esteem. I wish you all the best and I am sorry you are struggling (hugs)
     
  4. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Rashi, I am wondering what time you sleep and how many hours you get before school starts? You sound like you are in a great deal of pain. You said you do not have professional help around you, is it inaccessible for you? I'm sorry your friends and family did not understand or believe you. I once told my friends and they didn't understand it either. I joined here instead and found a lot of caring support. Depression can really destroy the interest you have in hobbies. What things did you used to enjoy doing? What are you studying in school and when do you expect to finish? I'm sorry that things are so bad for you right now, school is a really tough place and when you have depression, sleep issues and no one to talk to about your feelings, it can really bring you down. I'm glad you are still here and are welcome to receiving help, it will definitely find you here.
     
  5. Rashi

    Rashi New Member

    Our school nurse is not someone I could talk to this about. Also I am aware this could easily be just a physical issue but I know my limits and this is beyond the usual tiredness I have felt before due to physical fatigue. Also I am aware that I can make a doctor's appointment but I do not have the strength to do something like that without my parents permission and after being told by my family that my problems are stupid I dont want to talk to someone like that.
    My hopes was to attend a college in US and do a double major in engineering and honours in English. The engineering part was only because my parents wanted me to. I wanted to have a job related to Publication but my parents refused and told me there was no hope in that career path. I agreed with them for the time being. My hobbies were reading as many books as I can and dancing. I have read almost any classic you can name and I have a junior diploma in classical dancing. Whenever I was sad I would usually dance on some random song or read my favourite book. All of this was lost for me after I gave my SAT and got a not good enough score due to which my Dad refused to let me attend a foreign college and the dream of a double major was reduced to doing only engineering in one of the local colleges in my country. Also I am studying one of the toughest subjects considered my our government board and I am barely passing in those subjects. I am studying as much as I can but the sleepiness is a huge problem. The subjects I am studying is the requirement if I want to get into a good engineering college of my country and the way I am doing in them I dont see much of a future of going to a college. I only have 6 months left before I have to give exams to get into college.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 27, 2015
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Your physical illness could be something as simple as anaemia. Perhaps go to the doctors and get a blood test to start with. We are not professionals here so can only give you peer to peer support but I would most definitely follow up on the fatigue front. Drink 8 glasses of water a day, sleep a minimum of 8 hours a day, are you already getting that much sleep?

    Just for your info. I have chronic fatigue which is caused by my cortisol levels being so low which is why I advised you to see a doctor and get the regular tests done. I would never have found out I had a cortisol defiency had I not followed up and literally demanded tests!

    Depression can also make you feel exhausted, out of energy.

    I do hope you can get this sorted soon!
     
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