Reached out

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by turryburry, Jan 14, 2015.

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  1. turryburry

    turryburry Well-Known Member

    Sent my sister a text asking her if she'd want to know if I had a terminal disease. (We have an aunt who has terminal cancer). Also asked her if she'd want a heads up when I got tired of everything.

    She forwarded it to my parents who are elderly and don't need the stress. So now my relationship with them is damaged and if I outlive them I don't have a sister I can depend on.

    I can't even imagine the thinking that goes on in her head. She's alienated me for the last time. I won't reach out again.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You can expect to tell someone you are thinking of suicide and have them do nothing that is not fair to put that kind of responsibility on her she did the right thing in telling I hope that you show your family you can get the help you need to get stable and to not worry them
  3. turryburry

    turryburry Well-Known Member

    That's an interesting take on it. At what age is it not appropriate to get older parents involved? And what can they do? She really didn't have much to say to me on the subject at all.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    She was doing was she thought was right she spoke up to help you not harm you and your parents no matter what age would want to know if the child was endanger of harming themselves The age does not matter they can pick up a phone and call you and talk to you they can call for help for you
    It is very hard to put someone in a position where they are lost at what to do i know i have been there.
  5. turryburry

    turryburry Well-Known Member

    I'm in my 50s, my sister is in her 40s and my parents in their 70s. My mom has a heart condition. They don't pick up a phone, they just stress.
  6. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    When someone is sick it is natural to "rally round" - if someone I loved was sick I would certainly want to know about it. And that includes suicidal ideation. I don't think that your sister did anything wrong - certainly the way you phrase it in your post you intentionally suggested to your sister that you have a terminal disease (simply by asking if she would want to know) and implied that you are going to kill yourself (WHEN you get tired of everything, not if). Expecting her to shoulder that responsibility and say/do the "right" thing without consulting with other people who care for you and, indeed, having someone to turn to herself to deal with the stress and pain of her sister apparently being incredibly sick, is unreasonable and thoughtless.

    I think it is important to remember that our own pain does not entitle us to decide how people should respond to difficult and upsetting news, and that loving someone who is sick/has suicidal ideation is, in itself, incredibly hard and emotionally draining. Nobody should have to bear someone else's depression and sickness alone - if you want to talk to someone and be entirely selfish about them only thinking of you in their response then you should discuss things with a therapist. If you tell friends and family then expect them to, rightfully, have their own needs and emotions when it comes to dealing with it/processing it.
  7. smwhorses

    smwhorses Well-Known Member

    turryburry I have almost no family support. So I understand your frustration with your sister. It hurts when you reach out and do not receive a direct or any helpful response.

    turryburry and Freya you both have made me think and look at things from a different point of view. Thank you for that.
  8. querida

    querida Well-Known Member

    I understand how you feel and I know how much it hurts when you reach out and don't get help.

    I think that probably your sister was just doing what she thought was best in a situation that she didn't know how to handle.

    Maybe try talking to her about how you feel about her telling your parents?
  9. storm

    storm Well-Known Member

    I think she did the right thing by telling. Its so hard to sit with the realization that your loved one is suicidal. Though if your parents can't handle the stress maybe she could have told someone else. Its the risk you take when you reach out about how you feel. But is it a bad risk? I don't think so. She might have just been trying to get you more support. I hope you feel better :)
  10. turryburry

    turryburry Well-Known Member

    My mother didn't get along with her sisters her whole life and now one of them is dying so that's part of what prompted my text to my sister. I was trying to point out that you just never know when you're going to lose someone.

    Haven't heard from her since. I was giving her a chance and she answered.
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