reaching out for help....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by vixter101, Jan 15, 2012.

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  1. vixter101

    vixter101 Chat Buddy

    I'm reaching out for this point in time I feel like my only way out of all the mess I'm in is to end it all. I'm lying in bed and looking at the medication I have left for the month and wondering if it would be enough for me not to wake up again in the morning.

    I gravely miss my late boyfriend and want to be reunited with him, if I go will he be waiting to greet me on the other side? No matter how much I talk to my parents or friends, no one wants to really listen and help...the answer I get is pull yourself together and think positive - that doesn't work for me! It only makes me feel worse. Whilst I know that deep down they love me, I get the impression sometimes that they brush my issues under the carpet because they don't want to deal with it.

    If I talk to my psychiatric nurse, I feel that while she sits there on the home visits and nods her head sympathetically she really doesn't give a toss about how I'm actually feeling. The same with the doctors I saw before Christmas. I spoke to a good friend at my last place of work and told her the situation and the fact that I felt the only way they would listen to me seriously would be if I attempted suicide, even though it's not something I ultimately want to do....but I can't take the feeling of wanting to end things away from my brain....

    What do I do? I'm fed up of crying and being exhausted. I'm fed up of being in debt because I'm not in work. I'm fed up with my life in general, I want to go back to a simpler time before I was assualted at University when I was happy, confident and full of dreams...but that is never going to happen :(

  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi Victoria,

    I wanted to let you know that I thought deeply about your post last night....although I read it a few times, I could not convey my thoughts clearly onto paper. To start with, I am so sorry you are feeling these urges....I cannot imagine how frustrating it is to not feel like you are making progress in treatment. One time last year, I was in the hospital feeling like "no one cared," and I brought up to the counselors there exactly how I felt....their responses will always be in my mind. While I don't recommend what I did, I do however appreciate your honesty and persistence in reaching out for support....that is something to be proud of, and I hope things get better for you soon. :hug:

  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    are you getting therapy now? that might help. also maybe a survivor's group.

    I think that your boyfriend would want you to be happy and to get better. Idk, maybe you can imagine that he can talk to you
  4. Butterfly

    Butterfly Resident SF Sims Enthusiast Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Hiya vixter,

    Firstly, I am sorry for the loss of your boyfriend. But I have to agree with the above posters, that your boyfriend would want you to be happy and to get well again. Losing someone is tough. I am not sure what help you are receiving from your doctors but if your current feelings, thoughts and pain stem only from the loss of your boyfriend then therapy or bereavement counselling is what you should be looking into. It will help you come to terms with your loss gradually, and slowly help you rebuild your life. People around us are afraid to talk about mental health, and for those who have not experienced depression will come out with ignorant answers such as "things will get better, think positively". It's not always because they don't want to listen, it's because they just don't understand or relate. It doesn't mean they don't care or don't want to help though. I hope things get better Vix :hug:
  5. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    "Pull yourself together and think positive" ? Add me to one who's heard that many times. They mean well, honestly they do, my family and friends, but they don't have the UNDERSTANDING. And actually, I'm glad they don't, because the price is hellish to pay and it takes longer than they think it should.
    You and I have the understanding, we're paying for it now and we will for a long time. There is no time limit on grieving, It takes as long as it takes. Think of your grief, do you really want to inflict that on your loved ones? You will, and theirs will last a lifetime. There are people on this forum who can tell you that, who have lost a loved one to suicide. And on top of the grief, they are burdened by questions that will never be answered.
    I know your pain hurts unbearably, but there are others here who understand the way we understand, they care, they have paid that price. Stick around, post some more, meet some of us. This is a caring, compassionate forum, and we all help each other. Sometimes it's day by day, sometimes it's just making it till noon, then 3, then 6, then bedtime. If you need a one-on-one conversation, PM (private mail) someone, I can almost guarantee they will help you, if they are online. If not, try another. Or like you've done here , post and ask for help.

    The is a page I have found helpful to print out for loved ones, it's titled "What Your Loved Ones Can Expect While You Grieve"You may have to Google it, it's on Facebook

    Please come back and post more, we're good listeners
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 18, 2012
  6. edinburgh_chick

    edinburgh_chick New Member


    I have recently suffered two losses in the space of 24 hours so can imagine how hard it is for you to be dealing with the loss of your boyfriend. I lost a partner 4 years ago- believe me it does get better. You learn to deal with things in a better way. What you have to understand- and my god I know its hard- is that you will be hurting so many people by leaving them behind. Think about the pain you have to deal with- could you honestly leave the world knowing that so many others would feel like that?
    I know its hard but stay strong. You're boyfriend is only gone in person. He will always be with you in heart and in mind.

    There are lots of ways to get you out of debt. I am an accountant by trade and if you would like to get in touch with me I can help you get through it-even though you are unemployed there are still ways around it.

    You have to find your inner physical strength and turn it into mental strength. Be strong. If not for yourself, for your late partner.

    As for your nurses- I went through 12 before finding one that actually made me feel like she had an ounce of care in her. You will find the right person- also, if your medication isn't working you should talk to a nurse/doctor about changing. It's like the contraceptive pill- there are thousnads out there- its just a case of matching the right one to the right person.

    I am so sorry that you are hurting the way you are. Tell me if I can help you with debt consolidation and I am always here with open ears too. It seems we all are on here.

    Take care and be strong. x
  7. vixter101

    vixter101 Chat Buddy

    Thanks everyone for your help and kind words it means a lot that so many people care on here...I'm on this site everyday (normally in the chat room) I can vary on and off with my mood as I'm sure most people here do.

    My problems don't stem from losing my boyfriend, that has just added to other problems that were there before. Last night my mood went from being fine on the chat room to being so low i had to log off and struggling to sleep for the only reason that I could think of ways to seriously hurt myself before calling an ambulance....thankfully I didn't though and finally found sleep.....

    This site is a god send for me and with everyones support on here I'm sure I will get better and hope to help others as well.

    Vix xx
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