Reaching out....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lost43215, Feb 11, 2009.

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  1. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    Well... ive decided to post on this part of the forum one last time to reach out for help. Im doing this because ive already decided Ive wanted to die, but i have some very caring friends who would rather not see me go. In essence I have a social anxiety where i can never think of what to say, what to do, and im always afraid of rejection. I posted some links with more info below if u would like.

    Tbh, I dont know and never know why im so important to people, especially with all my problems. Somehow tho i am unique and likeable. I owe it to my friends to try to find a solution before I go. Ive tried therapy... that hasnt worked. They told me my problems arent chemical or anything. I have low self-confidence in myself. Ive tried to be social... it's ok for a while from the start, but then drops off as i cant learn much more about them. Ive tried reading stuff in order to get topics... doesnt work. I cant even think of everything ive tried in total but everything i have doesnt work. My therapists always understand what the problem is, but their solutions just dont help. I see what they are trying to do, but I just cant do them... it doesnt work for me. They try to get me surrounded socially and more active... doesnt work.

    Anyways, like i said, I figured Id give it one last go and see what people come up with. I owe it to them to do it. - post 1 - post 1 - post 29 - post 36 - post 41
  2. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member


    :hug: You owe it to yourself not just your friends. A hard thing with therapy is accepting that cos a lot of the time it won't work otherwise, I've been there so I know how difficult it can be.

    Have you considered a different therapist or any medication?

    Take care, Claire xx
  3. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    i dont know if another therapist would help... ive been to 2 already, both the same suguestions. As for medicines, a phyciatrist alread said i wouldnt need them... I dont even think there would be one that could help me... since it's not chemical.

    I dont know how many replies ill get to this... but ill keep checking everyday for a few days... tho i dont have much hope in it...
  4. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Don't be too disheartened if you don't get many replies, sometimes it can take a few days due to the volume of posts on here. :hug:

    I know you say your depression isn't chemical but in my opinion I would be seeking another opinion. If a root cause of your depression can't be found then surely they must think trying medication is better than doing nothing. They can't actually prove whether your depression is chemical or whether it was triggered by something. Therefore I think it's only fair to keep your options open.

    I'm not saying that medication is necessarily the answer but it's an avenue to explore. I dunno if my depression is chemical or not, I attend therapy & I am on medication too. It took me ages to accept medication, then it got to the point where pretty much you are now. I could either harm myself or try the medication. I tried the meds & as with anti depressants it's trial & error as there are many different kinds & they effect people differently.

    Take care & keep us posted, Claire xx
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya, lost43215.

    Yeah. It can be hard to put some of the suggestions into action, can't it?

    TBH, self-confidence and social skills require "practice" - in small but progressive steps. Maybe it's a question of your just needing to stick with it longer until it feels more comfortable. That's when you'll relax and things will fall into place more smoothly, hun. Do you think you could you do a few more "practices" before throwing in the towel? It'd be a shame to see you give up.

    BTW, good for you, for reading to have topics to talk about (even if you think it hasn't worked). If the topics do come up, you'll be the one with the info! :smile:

    Stay safe, please. :hug:
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You should look for another therapist. It took me three before I found the right one that I could open up to and tell all. She is great because she suffered for years with depression and anxiety herself. One day she said thats enough and went to school for therapy. Because she has been there she can relate to my problems. It took two years for me to tell her everything and now that I am in my third year I can see the changes I have made. So don't give up. you need to explore every possibility before you make that kind of decision. Once you commit there is no turning back...Take Care!!~Joseph~
  7. justafool

    justafool Well-Known Member

    I personally have a very low opinion of therapists. To be a good therapist takes talent, and talent is largely lacking in the psychology business.

    But you could turn to a nonprofessional for some assistance. Someone who won't charge you $100 for an hour's time. Someone whose head is not full of psychobabble. Someone who simply likes you and may have some useful insights.

    You have friends. They should have more importance to you than anything else in this world.
  8. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    The only friends that i can trust to talk to about everything are people on this site. I cant trust anyone who knows any personal details about me. Back with my first attempt, after it i told my best friend what happened, she ended up freaking out and telling my parents about where my blog was on another site. I had to lie so bad to get off the hook. It was a terrible experience. She had promised not to say anything to anyone and she broke that trust. Cause of that i cant trust anyone i know personally.

    How many people out there wouldnt do everything in their power to prevent someone from suicide? I can only trust people that wouldnt... and not many of them out there. Only other way is to know people anonymously, like on here.
  9. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend your last comment, and here is my 2 cents. (ha. probably all it is worth, indeed)

    any of us, would, go to your side and try to keep you alive, if we could.

    yet, if we are on this forum, there is a huge probability that we have all had or are having suicidal feelings. however, we don't want YOU to die. . .

    so the way it works here (again, my opinion) it is a safe place to share your rock bottom heart. no matter how bad - you'll find acceptance and understanding. and as we all reach out - to help each other - a bond of real frienship forms. . (not shallow stuff that we sometimes get in our lives, when people want things FROM us ) but real caring, where , we want things FOR each other. life and happiness and relief from pain.

    this bond helps us get through the times when we think we cannot hold on one more day. . . . we are sure we can't. but we do. . . because all of us together are stronger than just you (or me) alone.

    the fact that you are reaching out shows that you do want to live. you just want to be released from the pain. (hey. i am in the same place....) this is a positive part of you - it is the place where there is still very logical thinking happening. .. . listen to that voice. . . and keep coming here until you get through this. pm anytime, any of us. we all care. xxxxx hugs
  10. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I think it is best to explore what YOU come up are the one who has to make the changes, and who needs to find the path...ergo, my suggestion is for you to take responsibility for both your strengths and imperfections...then express them in a genuine way to those ppl who care...big hugs, J
  11. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    I wish i could express them. I just cant come up with things to talk about. Especially with me, unless they ask. I mean, it's easy in the beginning cause u can talk about eachother and interests and stuff... after that's all over I cant talk about anything.

    I sit at a table with friends or in chat and listen to all the conversation, meanwhile trying the whole time to think of something to say and nothing comes. Yuck.
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