Hi All hi to everyone on the forum, best wishes to you all, its a pleasure meeting you. (wish it was under better circumstances ! ) reaching the end mty limit here, Im starting to think its a competition, wondering how much weight I can carry, for others' cruel amusement. lot my job two weeks ago, been searching online and applying for just about everything, no luck so far. Lost my loving wife 2 years ago, (via my own stupidity, to be truthful) so now alone. my friends can only devote a few minutes on the phone every week or so, (they have jobs and families) so I am 99% on my own. My brothers son (my nephew) got married today, i wasnt invited, my crime ? inviting them to my wedding 10 years ago, they didnt turn up. SO my mum is chinking glasses, toasting her happy family of 4, (including me she has 5), posing for family photos etc, conscience clear that the people on the pic are her "proper " family. got a pile of tablets from doctors, sleeping tablets and sleep inducung anti deperssants. ive looked that them all before now, tempted to take them all, but thought... "nah". but I winder, if i did, no one would give a shit or call, til they wanted something. Should I be thinking like this ? Leave a guy with those long enough, and its just a matter of time, im scared that I am in unchartered territory, and whats next.