Reaching the end now ladies and gents

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Keith002, Aug 4, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Keith002

    Keith002 Member

    Hi All

    hi to everyone on the forum, best wishes to you all, its a pleasure meeting you. (wish it was under better circumstances ! )

    reaching the end mty limit here, Im starting to think its a competition, wondering how much weight I can carry, for others' cruel amusement.

    lot my job two weeks ago, been searching online and applying for just about everything, no luck so far.

    Lost my loving wife 2 years ago, (via my own stupidity, to be truthful) so now alone.

    my friends can only devote a few minutes on the phone every week or so, (they have jobs and families) so I am 99% on my own.

    My brothers son (my nephew) got married today, i wasnt invited, my crime ? inviting them to my wedding 10 years ago, they didnt turn up. SO my mum is chinking glasses, toasting her happy family of 4, (including me she has 5), posing for family photos etc, conscience clear that the people on the pic are her "proper " family.

    got a pile of tablets from doctors, sleeping tablets and sleep inducung anti deperssants. ive looked that them all before now, tempted to take them all, but thought... "nah". but I winder, if i did, no one would give a shit or call, til they wanted something.

    Should I be thinking like this ? Leave a guy with those long enough, and its just a matter of time, im scared that I am in unchartered territory, and whats next.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Keith i think if you can hun give those pills to someone to hold onto ok. Jobs well hun it takes time but you will find another I am sorry your family is not there for you
    We are here hun so you are not alone now ok I think if you keep talking to us keep reaching out hun it will help you to see people do care about y ou hugs
  3. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Hello there, Keith.
    I have a mother that is a Devil. I can relate to what you described, almost to a tee. It's a shame and it hurts, but I am my own person (so are you) and we don't need those who choose not to make us matter. You are important to yourself because you are you. You can forge your own life and do your own things and though many times things will fail or not go as you would hope or plan, there is always tomorrow and an opportunity to try again. Nobody makes mistakes in life, unless they fail to learn from them. Mistakes teach us how to improve. If we don't learn from them, then and only the are they mistakes.

    Be strong for you. Move forward.
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi Keith
    I am sorry that things are so hard for you. I remember my family getting together for a reunion. I was not told about it until long after it happened. Things can change though. My mother is not so mean to me now. And things could change for you also. Can you make a commitment to hold on for a period of time? That's how I do it. I want to die. But I also know that there may be a reason I am here that I am not aware of. so I am willing to hang on. To hang on just incase it would be a huge mistake that would be irrevocable. I do hope, as total eclipse suggested, you can give those pills to someone who can hold on to them. Do you have a therapist who can help you? Because you really deserve that. I hope you will continue to post here. And become more a part of this community !
  5. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Hi Keith, your family sounds like huge prats. If they can isolate you and treat you with contempt then your better off with out them. Part of the problem is your not getting your emotional needs met and these people are emotional black holes who will take and take. My advise to you would be to understand the dynamics of your family and how you fit into all of it, read some psychology books. Work out how their disfunction affects you and how you respond to it. If your vulnerable like you say you are , undersatnd you are not to blame and do not need to punish yourself. You need love, time and a gentle friend to allow you to be yourself, warts and all.

    I wish you all the best, life is hard but just look at all the beautiful people who reach out here everyday to help save lives, that to me is the gift of love and compassion, and it's something I'm truly grateful for.

    God Bless
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.