Ok This is me,,,, It started 12 years ago, I was a leader for a well known voluntry organisation when a guy came up to me and asked if we could 'go' out together. I said we could be friends but no more, he then raped me. He told me it would happen again if I did anything about it, so stupidly I didn't. He said that was for me not dating him. I then later met a guy married and settled down, had 3 lovely kids and that was that. My gran died 2 years ago and my life then fell apart big time. I contacted my health visitor to help me out with the baby and she did, but then moved. I got a really shitty HV then. 3 mths after my gran died, 'he' suddenly showed up again and started to follow mw, then asked again to date. I have been married very happily till he turned up. He started raping me but lot more often and also at knofe point. I am so scared. He also dragged one of his mates to have a go too. He has said that if I go to polic ethen he would send others after me. I thought the best thing would be to move. I asked my landlord if he had owt else about, he said he would buy one and let it to us. Fine, then suddenly he turned nasty. I am now just waiting for an eviction letter from bailifs. In the mean tome my husband lost his mum and dad and my sister ended up in hospital after trying to take her own life. I have self harmed so much in the last few months in various ways, ended up with no friends as I have pushed them away as my 'best friend' asked what was what and I told her, she then went and used it as community gossip. I feel very alone, and dont want anything really. I am so scared of life, but I think I am coming round to confronting it all, it is just wondering where to start. I have tried rape counselling and I just couldnt do it, it scared me to death. I have seen a counsellor fopr a year, but her money has run out and she doesnt know if she will be funded again. I am on sertraline, but dr is weaning me off them as they havent down anything for me. She has also put a referal in for a CPN, but that is starting to scare me now. I cant deal with people anymore. Sorry it is so long and boring, but thats me.