Ready to confront it (could be long)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lost soul, Dec 2, 2006.

  1. lost soul

    lost soul Guest

    This is me,,,,

    It started 12 years ago, I was a leader for a well known voluntry organisation when a guy came up to me and asked if we could 'go' out together. I said we could be friends but no more, he then raped me. He told me it would happen again if I did anything about it, so stupidly I didn't. He said that was for me not dating him.

    I then later met a guy married and settled down, had 3 lovely kids and that was that. My gran died 2 years ago and my life then fell apart big time. I contacted my health visitor to help me out with the baby and she did, but then moved. I got a really shitty HV then.

    3 mths after my gran died, 'he' suddenly showed up again and started to follow mw, then asked again to date. I have been married very happily till he turned up. He started raping me but lot more often and also at knofe point. I am so scared. He also dragged one of his mates to have a go too. He has said that if I go to polic ethen he would send others after me.

    I thought the best thing would be to move. I asked my landlord if he had owt else about, he said he would buy one and let it to us. Fine, then suddenly he turned nasty. I am now just waiting for an eviction letter from bailifs.

    In the mean tome my husband lost his mum and dad and my sister ended up in hospital after trying to take her own life.
    I have self harmed so much in the last few months in various ways, ended up with no friends as I have pushed them away as my 'best friend' asked what was what and I told her, she then went and used it as community gossip. I feel very alone, and dont want anything really. I am so scared of life, but I think I am coming round to confronting it all, it is just wondering where to start.

    I have tried rape counselling and I just couldnt do it, it scared me to death. I have seen a counsellor fopr a year, but her money has run out and she doesnt know if she will be funded again.
    I am on sertraline, but dr is weaning me off them as they havent down anything for me. She has also put a referal in for a CPN, but that is starting to scare me now. I cant deal with people anymore.

    Sorry it is so long and boring, but thats me.
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Walk into the nearest police station and report this bastard. Get someone you trust to go with you. Wish I was up there with you cos I'd kill the bastard.

    Know it's scary but you need to get this fucker in jail!!!

    Scuse language...fuming
  3. netean

    netean Active Member

    if this wanker is doing this to you.. how many other people is he doing this to also..

    it's damn hard, damn scary, but you have to go the police... for you certainly, for your family, of course, and also for those other people who he might be attacking and raping also.

    You ARE better than him and you ARE stronger than him.
  4. lost soul

    lost soul Guest

    I know he could be doing it to others and I know I am horrible and I feel so guilty as it is for not doing owt about it, but if I am to die it is by my own doing and not by him or his mates.

    I am just so scared. I know I have no place for crying as I can't stop it and shouldnt be moaning about it either but, but, I don't know, I just know I am scared shitless.

    I have never been a bad person but now, I know I am an evil person as I could be letting it happen to others.

    Sorry, I shouldnt have typed it out.
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Hun, you are not the bad person, he is. He needs to be stopped so he doesn't do any further harm to you. It is easy for me to tell you to turn him in, but I know it is not that easy to do. I was never able to turn in any of my perps. I really don't think I have the strength to go through everything that would follow it. So I do understand, even though we both know he should be turned in and taken care of. One thing is for certain. You cannot continue to let him terrorize you. It will end up destroying you in the end. He is all about control. Take that control away from him. Chances are he won't know how to deal with it if you actually stand up to him. Never put yourself in the position of being alone with him. I wish I had easy solutions for you, but I don't. For that I am sorry. Know that I do understand and will be here if you need someone to talk with. I reach out my hand to you should you decide to take it. :hug: