Ready to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by A Self Made Loser, Mar 24, 2008.

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  1. A Self Made Loser

    A Self Made Loser Active Member

    I feel ready to end it all.
    Fours years of pain and misery.
    Four years of of wishing I watching friends all so happy and content.
    Four years of backstabbing and dishonesty toward me when all I have ever done was look out for others.
    I fell sick but feel ready if I was tied up ready to be shot upon by a firing squad.
    I hate feeling inferior to everyone all the time.
    As a child and teenager I was full of confidence, now in my 20's I am a wreck of nerves and anxiety.
    Somebody help, maybe I don't deserve help actually.
    Tried to OD didnt work.
    I'm so sick of life, I know many of you feel the same, Do you have the strength?
    I can't let go of anything.
  2. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    It's hard to let go. Nobody lets go of the past, no matter what they say. I have a lot of unresolved issues. What counts is learning from them. I try to get insight all the time. It's still hard though.
  3. A Self Made Loser

    A Self Made Loser Active Member

    For every negative experience I look for a reason behind it. (Blessing in disguise) I dont know why. Maybe I am hoping there is a force at work stronger than physical elements that make the universe and all that lives within it. But with so much pain and suffering in the world, I fail to see the logic in my idle belief.

    I try to go of the past, try to learn from the outcomes but I always fall prey to my own efforts of self improvement. I do believe some people are just targets put here for an experiement of the human spirit. How much can one person take until they break? How much can they absorb before they explode?

    My problem is I guess, I think to much, ask to many questions, searching for the meaning or the unreachable.

    Depression has got a hold of me by the throat. The fight grows weary.....
  4. perry_mason

    perry_mason Well-Known Member

    this struck a chord with me and i feel bad that you have suffered it for 4 years. i truly hope things will be better.
  5. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    I really don't like the name you gave yourself because that is completely false. You are not a self-made loser. You are in the midst of a society that has screwed so many people up. You are identifying your accomplishments (which is imposed by society) with who you are. You are not your accomplishments; you are not your looks; you are not your intellect; you are not any of these things. Being creative in one's own way is part of one's individuality, but it has nothing to do with your intrinsic value. You are a child of god (for lack of a better word to describe the intelligence that exists beyond appearances). Please don't forget this. This is not a platitude. This is not just to make you feel better. This is the truth. We are all part of this thing called universal intelligence, and we are ALL IMPORTANT in the scheme of life, even though we might not see it through our distorted eyes.
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