ready to end it

I am tired of tryn. I hate my life and my job. I simply see no future. I think its over.

 

Hi hun sorry you are feeling so low hun can you talk to someone in real world like your doctor a family member anyone hun how you feel. Jobs can be changed you can get therapy on meds that will help decrease depression You can talk here hun pm me or anyone of us we care hugs

 

Jacob! I remember you... been several months since I talked to you in chat. :hug: My thoughts are with you.

 

I know how you feel; I feel the same. I think every day a few times how I just do not want to go on; there is no point.

Yet, we must have something in us that drives us on. Please, please consider going on.

I hope as you read this you are feeling better. I know there can be moment to moment change in how we feel.

We can be at peace in our pain.

 

I cant sleep well or when i do i feel tired all the time an crash sleep for way longer than i should. i am now eatn like a horse which adds to my pain because i so desperatly had been tryn to loose weight. I feel worthless cuz i cant get a date.

 

I so much want to find a wonderful woman an have a family. I feel like an outcast in my family. Oldest of 4 and hav never even kissed a woman. Now I am lonely cuz my parents asked me to move back to my home. I hav few friends.

 

Well I am just living day by day now. I dont want to live anymore with this kind of pain. I am really tired of it all...

 

Big hugs to you, man, in appreciation of the fact that you are writing to us and being so open. Take care. :hug:

 

I understand where you are coming from. I have wanted to die since i was in the fifth grade and now i am a sophomore in college, but i am nearly certain that my drug abuse has caused my suicidal thoughts to occur more often. I usually try to work out to help my depressive moods, and i know that talking to people would definitely help but i am moderately antisocial. Just know that things can only get better from here for you.

 

I am hoping and praying that something will change soon. All I can think about, and dream about is how that I am going to kill myself as peacefully as I can (I know that is an oxymoron comment but...).

I just cant keep living with this constant pain. I just simply feel like my life is never ever going anywhere and i just dont see any reason to keep trying for a life, family, kids, etc etc (the good ol american family man story).

 

Here are some hugs for you in the hope that something changes soon that will lead to you feeling better.

:hugtackles: :hugtackles:

 

jacob I can hear how much pain you're in..but don't give up
Have you told your parents how you're feeling? they surely would let you stay with them if you tell them how dark things are for you...
let them know you're suffering so they can offer support

have you talked to your doctor?
there are good meds that can make you feel better about life and then you may have the energy and motivation to change the things you don't like..
I hope you keep reaching out here..

 

The physical symptoms really feed the emotional symptoms of depression and it really becomes a vicious circle from which it is hard to exit. At my lowest, I could barely sleep, eat and focus on anything. You must first concentrate on getting better. Once you start being relieve some, you'll be able to cope with many things that seems to you overwhelming now. You should really seek professional help. Wish you well.

 

All i can think about is how I am going to end my life. I simply want to do it as quietly and peacefully as possible. I guess that I am in a catch 22. I am can get fired from my present job if i go get help, and I have no hope of finding another good paying job because of my lack of education. I am struggling every day, and every day is a challenge just to go to work, sleep, or do anything. I also promised my best friend that I would be at his wedding in a month. I am happy for him, but at the same time, it hurts me inside when I see him with such a wonderful woman, yet I cant even get a first date. I feel like I am a loner walking in the middle of a desert without any food or water. I am emotionally drained on every level.:itachi:

 

I just want to cry all the time.. but i cant. I feel like a worthless human being. My best friend of over 15 years is getting married in a week and I am not invited. Only invited to the reception. He only wants "family" there. I understand that they want a small wedding but I feel like I just got slapped in the face.

I guess that I feel like I have simply pissed away my life. I have no friends, never kissed a woman, and have a job that while it pays well, it has destroyed my life.

 

I am more excited about seeing my brother this weekend.. but that is also in prospective since he rarely talks to me.. he is coming to see my parents and my sisters i think more than me...

I cant think straight about much anymore and even people at work have told me that I am too stressed out...

 

Oh did i mention that in past few days.. i am waking up about 20 times a night.. dont feel like eating, but when i do it goes right through me.. OMG I am sooo tired of this pain in my jaw from my tooth but that is also something that dentists just want to pull and I dont have the money for it... I went ahead and got some stuff together to end it all.. just am trying to figure out on when... I dont want to survive an attempt since doing so would certainly mean losing my job. They wont let me back if I survive it, and I have no way of making enough money to pay my bills if I do survive it... AUUUGGGGHH