Hi. I'm new here. I just found this site via another forum I go to for my mental health issues. I guess I've been dealing with mental health problems since I was a pre-teen. I'm now in my twenties and when I thought I had learned to get through it all, it all seemed to explode recently into one big humiliating mess. I lost my dream in life, I've become homeless (staying with a friend - which I'm not sure how much longer that will last. I was kicked out of my last friend's place and I'm afraid it may happen here, too), I lost family and friends (they didn't pass, they just refuse to associate with me anymore), I do have a job, but make minimum wage and not many hours and so can't pay for much of what I need (and no insurance). My meds for my mental illness just aren't working and this is my fifth attempt with meds. I feel like such a horrible person. I went to see my therapist yesterday with a friend who has been going through this whole mess with me since July when it seemed to explode and ust hearing her side made me feel even more worthless. I feel like such a burden on everyone and I hate the fact that I lost everything, can't seem to get myself together, and have to depend on everyone else to help me. I don't blame the ones who left for leaving. On top of this, I am dealing with other intense issues that are just overwhelming and filling me with even more self-hatred. I'm exhausted and feel like I can't fight this anymore - plus, I really do feel like everyone would be better off without me. I am a burden, and my friend proved it to me yesterday. Honestly, I'm becoming less afraid of the thought of the finality of death and am actually seeing it as a welcome relief. I want to believe there is hope and that things will get better, but just when I think I hit rock bottom, the bottom drops out and things just keep getting worse! I'm too tired to keep fighting this. Today I seriously considered walking out of work and going to kill myself, but I managed to get through the day. The thought is still very much there though. Sorry, I guess I just needed to let this out and reach out in a safe place for some hope.