Here I am again. Wrapped up in so much pain and emotion that I feel like I'm going to explode. I hate this so much. I'm sorry that I keep saying the same things over and over... I just keep reaching out and I don't even know what I'm reaching out for. I just want the pain to go away, but I know it won't. I'm so very tired of this. Thinking about death is exhausting. It's painful. But I don't know how to stop. I don't understand why this keeps happening to me. If I can stay out of this hell during the day, why do I sink into it every night?? I'm tired of thinking. I'm tired of fighting for every day. I'm tired of being pathetic. People here have been so great to me. I'm sorry that I'm letting everyone down. I just can't keep doing this night after night. I just don't have the energy to fight anymore. I'm ready to give up.