From the time I was a child I was sheltered from the bad things which made me naive. Talked down to by my own family which wrecked my self esteem coupled with bullying all anyone said was: "Be strong" No teacher helped to stop it or the councillor ''its natural'' they said. I didn't understand what those words ment. I suppressed my emotions , I became angry all the time at my parents for not really helping , the bullies, my dwindling self esteem. Until I exploded at school and everyone laughed at me and I felt horrible , my parents became mad at me , my family were disappointed I felt awful because I felt like everything was my fault. It only got worse as I got older people who I called friends left me , lied to me or outright replaced me. My family continued to talk down to me and when I got depressed they got mad and I had the urge to kill myself because I felt like a failure to them. Then my eyes opened to what monsters my family were and how everything backfired on them , I'm anti social , depressed sometimes , paranoid and unhappy. I hate my body allot because it reminds me of guys who would only like me for my big chest and after a um.... Uh 'encounter' I don't think I want to have children in the future. My parents hit me and yell at me sometimes with all of this happening I'm wishing that I <mod edit - methods> But I'm still here for some reason. I feel like all hope is gone , I feel empty and vulnerable but I cover it up with a happy demeanor. But I'm drowning And I don't know if I'll feel better anytime in the future because I'm afraid that I'll kill myself once I <mod edit - timeline> Sorry for being a bother but I'm scared of what I will do next.