Ready to give up

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Melody, Sep 24, 2016.

  1. Melody

    Melody Member

    From the time I was a child I was sheltered from the bad things which made me naive. Talked down to by my own family which wrecked my self esteem coupled with bullying all anyone said was:

    "Be strong"

    No teacher helped to stop it or the councillor ''its natural'' they said.

    I didn't understand what those words ment. I suppressed my emotions , I became angry all the time at my parents for not really helping , the bullies, my dwindling self esteem.

    Until I exploded at school and everyone laughed at me and I felt horrible , my parents became mad at me , my family were disappointed I felt awful because I felt like everything was my fault.

    It only got worse as I got older people who I called friends left me , lied to me or outright replaced me.

    My family continued to talk down to me and when I got depressed they got mad and I had the urge to kill myself because I felt like a failure to them.

    Then my eyes opened to what monsters my family were and how everything backfired on them , I'm anti social , depressed sometimes , paranoid and unhappy.

    I hate my body allot because it reminds me of guys who would only like me for my big chest and after a um.... Uh 'encounter' I don't think I want to have children in the future.

    My parents hit me and yell at me sometimes with all of this happening I'm wishing that I <mod edit - methods>

    But I'm still here for some reason.

    I feel like all hope is gone , I feel empty and vulnerable but I cover it up with a happy demeanor.

    But I'm drowning

    And I don't know if I'll feel better anytime in the future because I'm afraid that I'll kill myself once I <mod edit - timeline>

    Sorry for being a bother but I'm scared of what I will do next.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 24, 2016
  2. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Hi Melody :)

    You're not a bother. You're okay to post here and nobody will judge you. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time! I grew up with abuse myself and it took me a long time to come to terms with it. Are you seeing a therapist, or is there a counselor at school that might be able to help you? I went through the loss of friends too, when they found out I was depressed, I suddenly never heard from them again. It's such a betrayal. But it taught me that I need to count on myself first. But then, I'm more of a hermit. You're not a failure because of your circumstances! Hugs xx.
    Melody likes this.
  3. Melody

    Melody Member


    Tried that

    She was on my parents side.