This could be triggering**** WARNING**** < Mod Edit: Hazel Method > I am ready. The person who loved me most is now dead. It's a year later and guess what, my grandmother is still dead. Its a year later, and Michelle murdering her son and herself, they are both still dead. My ex therapist still won't have anything to do with me. She fired me last year when < Mod Edit: Hazel Method > and got 911 involved before I could kill myself. I don't think anything is gonna stop me this time. Those 3 people mentioned above were still alive when she fired me. Now, a year later, still dead, I'm still fired, and totally *ucking hopeless. I think to myself, ok, I given those that love me a years reprieve. I'm not expecting anything from the people here. I am venting and don't want to talk to the people in my life. I don't think they should be punished for loving me, yet when I do shoot myself, that's exactly what I will be doing. I have tried now 3 different therapists since Donna, and none have clicked. I am a survivor of csa, and DID. This makes for an interesting mix and I refuse to take meds. I have in the past to no positive affect. There is nothing left for me. Yes, I am wallowing in my own crapulence, but it is mine to do so. lol.