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So, finally after weeks of planning and deliberating the date is approaching. The plan is perfect. Virtually fool proof. Tomorrow is the day that I chose all those months ago as the day that I would escape all of the pain and turmoil. The things is I still get about an hours worth of 'maybe everything will be okay' a day. Is that enough to make me want to keep on living? Probably not to be honest. I always said that I would never do it if I wasn't 100 % sure. Is being 100% sure 23 hours a day enough? Ugh.


Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense
:hug: The ups and downs when we feel this way are confusing. Imo, if you have hope, it is a starting point to make positive changes. And like all change, it doesn't happen overnight. That's perhaps why the "down" feeling lingers as we do our best to initiate the positive changes. Where there is hope, there is great possibility, imo.

Can you take that one hour and the things you thing are possible and write them down? Then next time the hour of hope arrives, see if you can jot down ANY ideas of how to make things work. It's brainstorming, so every idea is valid at this point. You can refine the list later when you have more than an hour at a time.

Eventually, you will be able to pare it all down to a few goals, and a few possible ways to make reach the goals. Break those goals down into small steps. Then take those baby steps during your hopeful hour a day.

Also, some of that hopeful hour can be spent on just "feeling OK", and noticing the little good things that already happen in our lives. Even silly things such as laughing as kids play in the park, the way a pet snuggles, a choice phrase in a book we're reading.
An hour a day is more than enough to keep living, because an hour a day can be made to grow into many reasons that take up most of our day. I wish you many, many hours of feeling good and feeling hopeful - a lifetime of hours like that! :hug
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