ready to move on

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ava321, May 13, 2014.

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  1. ava321

    ava321 Active Member

    I thought I was feeling better.. I skipped working today because my mom wanted to spend the day together. So I got up this morning, got dressed.. expected we'd go have lunch and do whatever else.. and I can't find her. So I send her a text and she's having lunch with a friend.. why did she ask me to spend the day with her and then ditch me? It might sounds like nothing to be upset over, but I'm really hurt. Even my own mother doesn't want to spend a day with me. Why does everybody let me down so much?

    I'm graduating on Sunday. I can't even fake excitement. I feel so sad and lost and depressed. It's a long story, but graduation was supposed to be the beginning of something new and happy for me. Back in December, those happy dreams got totally crushed and shattered. I'm still dealing with the pain of my loneliness and the loss of everything I expected. (Just don't want to go into that story right now.) I can't go a single night without crying myself to sleep.

    I just don't want to go on. I've had plans for my own suicide for a while now. Date and everything. I keep asking life to intervene and show me something worth hanging on for.. and nothing ever happens. I think it's just easier to stop being a burden and nuisance to the few people still in my life. Everybody will move on and my memory will fade. I have no future, career, family, or husband. I'm not that important. It's time to stop living in this pain.
     
  2. Johnny Messina

    Johnny Messina Well-Known Member

    It's hard to be a loner... You don't have to kill yourself.. You will always have time to do that..
    Why don't you share your story, maybe we'll understand you better.. You can talk to me if you want, Ill try to help..
     
  3. sadclown

    sadclown Member

    You're graduating. You're future could be anything. that's exciting.
     
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi ava, I'd like to encourage you that there IS something worth living for, just that you haven't yet met it yet - but that is not to say you never will honey. First of all, you have a stepping stone of graduation and you can look upon this as a new beginning. Please do not tell yourself the lie that you have no future. We are ALL important, more important than we realise, although we may have no one to reflect this back to us, that does not mean that we are not important.
    It is hard not to look to your mom for affirmation and then to feel distraught when she devalues you like that. But try and turn it around as an event which has made you stronger instead, by coming to believe a deeper truth about it, which will help to heal the pain - and that truth about people is that anyone can let us down when they feel like doing that - her reasons are her own - but I believe you have the right to ask her about what happened to your date with her today and the affect it had on you - without her trying to brush it off or you sweeping it under the rug :)
     
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