I thought I was feeling better.. I skipped working today because my mom wanted to spend the day together. So I got up this morning, got dressed.. expected we'd go have lunch and do whatever else.. and I can't find her. So I send her a text and she's having lunch with a friend.. why did she ask me to spend the day with her and then ditch me? It might sounds like nothing to be upset over, but I'm really hurt. Even my own mother doesn't want to spend a day with me. Why does everybody let me down so much? I'm graduating on Sunday. I can't even fake excitement. I feel so sad and lost and depressed. It's a long story, but graduation was supposed to be the beginning of something new and happy for me. Back in December, those happy dreams got totally crushed and shattered. I'm still dealing with the pain of my loneliness and the loss of everything I expected. (Just don't want to go into that story right now.) I can't go a single night without crying myself to sleep. I just don't want to go on. I've had plans for my own suicide for a while now. Date and everything. I keep asking life to intervene and show me something worth hanging on for.. and nothing ever happens. I think it's just easier to stop being a burden and nuisance to the few people still in my life. Everybody will move on and my memory will fade. I have no future, career, family, or husband. I'm not that important. It's time to stop living in this pain.