I have now eliminated all alternatives to my termination. I saw my doctor--he's retiring! I spent two separate stints in both major hospitals in my area. They no longer will treat me: if I seek inpatient again, they've threatened/guaranteed commitment. So, the one primary fail-safe prevention plan I've used in the past for my own killing is now gone. As a two-time group member of the day therapy program the hospital offers for depression, I have been told that I am not welcome to return. They claim that I am too healthy to be there. I guess those hospital visits weren't enough to convince them otherwise! Most likely they, much like the hospitals, don't like me (at least not enough to continue to treat me for my condition). So, what am I to do? Professional help seems to have vanished. Friends extinct. Family sick of my sickness. No job. I considered going back to school for a second degree, followed by graduate school. But who am I kidding? And yet, so many things I never got to accomplish: make my movie/find my wife/win a genuine friend (fuck the false ones)....I think that if any of those things were possible they would have happened by now....So, I can complain no more....And I apologize to you all, for being a bore!