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Ready to swallow the pills and suffer the liver failure

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by keymaker, Nov 13, 2007.

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  1. keymaker

    keymaker New Member

    I'm planning on eating about <Mod Edit Hazel: Method> and chasing it with as much whiskey as I can drink. If I can find some sedatives I'll take those too because I fear being awake when the < Mod Edit Hazel: Method> It will cause my kidneys to fail and combined with the alcohol will destroy my liver. Even if I were found and had my stomach pumped I'd be dead within 5 days tops. That would really suck. I hope it only takes a few hours.

    It makes some people's brains swell which would also be terrible but would at least speed up the process. I thought about trying to bleed out after I'm good and drunk and have swallowed the load. It will cause my blood pressure to drop. < Mod Edit Hazel: Method >
    I'm not sure if I have the stomach to cut myself. FUCK! I'll probably puke up the pills too even if I'm passed out. I want this to work but there doesn't seem to be any good way. I don't want to go through the hassle of buying a gun. Plus even though most suicides are by firearm the success rate is still not on hundred percent. A person can live for hours with a hole in their heads or the rest of their lives retarded, with half a face. No thanks.

    I cry when I think of how it will hurt my family and friends. I know it would be selfish and wrong. But I am suffering from a genetic defect. I CAN NOT stand to live like this and it will never be different for me. It is unbearable. I just can't anymore. I just can't. I've thought about this for a long time and I'm prepared to endure this physical pain so that my greater suffering will be ended.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 13, 2007
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I am sooo sorry that you are hurting so badly. We all have our pains to deal with. I can't deny you your feelings or thoughts and will stand by your decision. But if sometning as easy as just taking the time to read through some of the other threads and posts here will buy you a little time, would you try? There are so many people in SF going through their own difficulties, but yet they are willing to listen if you let them. Sometimes just knowing that someone else out there acknowledges you can get you to the next baby step on the road to living. I know because 4 days ago I stumbled across SF and it was going to be my final act by posting my feelings. I'm still here. It hasn't been easy and still I am fighting my demon just to be here. But some people here have mailed me back and keep "walking" beside me. I can't guarantee that I will stay safe, but it has bought me some time, time to think and try to find some solutions to my problems. Please give it a try.
  3. keymaker

    keymaker New Member

    I don't need to know that there are other people out there who feel as bad or worse than I do. WHY would that make me feel better? I challenge you to make sense of that logic. It just makes me feel WORSE because then I feel bad for them as well. In fact, I don't know why I'm wasting my time here. I don't want attention from your little forum of "help-me"s. Thanks a lot for nothing. I hope your sorry-ass lives a long, long time. I'm leaving this planet.

    Edit that.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 13, 2007
  4. saeyoon Chung

    saeyoon Chung Well-Known Member

    You mentioned "suffering from a genetic defect" in a passing note. Maybe tha is the main contributor to the depression you have..??

    OK.. We have the choice to end our own lives. We've got the rights. But.. We aren't so worthless to the point that we have to suffer more pain even in the moment of death, like we haven't suffered enough already in life.

    What you've described sounds like a very painful process.

    You know.. many people who attempted suicide(and failed) scream in agony at the hospital. "Ah~! I want to live!!! I don't wanna die!!"
    They can't handle the pain.

    You can put the gun in your mouth and pull the trigger. You'll die for sure.
    The bullet will tear the exact spot that helps to breathe. It will stop your breathing altogether. But.. do you have the guts to do it? What if you don't hit the right spot? Is that worth it?

    Hanging? when you hang yourself, all your muscles will contract and the excrements will come out of your ass, when you die. And it's very painful.
    It won't be a pleasant scene for people to watch.

    I don't think you know what you're getting yourself into.

    Try sleeping pills? down 100 of them.. or something. Chances are you won't die, but you'll wake up with a massive migraine. So you're still taking a chance. You can never know for sure.

    There's no quick instant way to committing suicide as far as I know.
    There will be a lot of pain involved no matter what.

    What I want to ask you is.. "is all that work and excruciating pain worth it just to end your own life?"

    Liver failure sounds fancy but I'm sure it's going to hurt you more than any physical pain you have ever experienced.
    It'll be more painful than the pain you're trying to escape. I guarantee you. Doesn't that instill fear in your mind? If not, you must be a brave young man.

    What don't you take that will and instead use it to bring joy and fun into your life?

    But who knows, I'm contemplating suicide also. Maybe I'll see you on the other side..
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 13, 2007
  5. keymaker

    keymaker New Member

    Ok, I am scared. I admit that. If I do this it will be the worst physical pain I've ever endured and it will probably not be over quickly. I will cry.

    I know that if I do this it will kill me. I'm already in bad shape from months of not sleeping and not eating. I'm weak and malnourished. My body is not strong and will not be able to heal. The organ damage WILL be fatal.

    I have been struggling with the desire to kill myself for years. I'm only 21. It comes and goes but it always comes back stronger than before. It's not normal and it is extremely terrifying. I have no control over it. All my attempts to control it have failed miserably.

    I'm tired of scaring my friends and burdening my family. I'm letting everyone down because I'm too fucked up to function properly within society. It's sad because I am actually a young, intelligent, not-bad-looking, female college student who everyone else sees as being "full of potential." They don't know that they are just projecting their own hopes onto me and that inside I am in a state of overwhelming distress.
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