Ready *trigger*

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by John6491, Feb 14, 2007.

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  1. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    Im ready to just tear up my legs and arms so much that i will pass out tonight because i hate today and wishing it would end, also because im having a incredible urge to cut myself except this is cutting myself till i lose so much blood i pass out........
     
  2. Anamnesis.

    Anamnesis. Active Member

    Please don't do that, if you "pass out" from blood loss odds are you AREN'T going to wake up. If you feel the need to cause yourself pain just try cutting to draw blood, you don't have to cut that deep (papercut deep will do) and it won't cause that much damage nor endanger your life if you avoid your wrists. But please don't go overboard with it and kill yourself. Albeit a better thing to do would be to just go to sleep and sleep for as long as you like until you feel better, that's what I do (10-12hrs usually). If you need to cry to relieve the stress you're feeling that's completely okay too. It doesn't make you any kind of coward for crying, it really helps. It's the equivelant to vomiting when you've eaten too much. When you've got to much pain(food), cry(vomit).
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 14, 2007
  3. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    I have just recently cut myself alot and now my legs are bleeding.....alot i might add. It sadly felt good i cant help it i just feel so crappy so doing this somehow makes me feel better......
     
  4. Anamnesis.

    Anamnesis. Active Member

    I'm also a cutter (you should see my arm, holy crap!), and to me it's okay to cut if you need to (I'm not going to be a hypocrit and tell you not to). But if you start feeling woozy or lightheaded from the bleeding call 911 imediately! This will pass and you don't want to die because of one sad moment in your life. I am genuinely concerned about you right now, so please don't put your life at risk. Cutting to feel better is okay, but don't take it to a point where you can't turn back.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 14, 2007
  5. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    eh well i usually always feel lightheaded....
     
  6. Anamnesis.

    Anamnesis. Active Member

    Man, that is bad. You should try to not cut so much, tone it down. You feel just as good with 2/3 or even 1/2 the cuts you are making (or depth) right now. But if you don't want to call an amublance and you start feeling lightheaded drink some liquids.
     
  7. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    its just today that i have cut so much....my entire left leg is cut up..... and i prob wont call 911 or even ask for help because everyone would be ashamed of me and they all ready are so i dont want to make it worse...
     
  8. Anamnesis.

    Anamnesis. Active Member

    I know how you feel man. Yesterday I had just got out of the shower and the only thing I was wearing was a towel so my arm was exposed and while I was listening to some music typing on this wesbite (ironically) my dad walked in and I think he might of saw them. Right then I felt totally ashamed and tried my best to hide it, but it was kind of hard seeing as how my entire left arm is covered in them (starting at the high wrist and ending at the shoulder). Either he didn't care(most likely) or he didn't see them. But I felt bad about it.

    But you should try and stop the bleeding from your leg. Wrap a towel around it or something so you don't loose too much blood. Is it bleeding profusely? And I'm curious to know, what attracts you to cutting? (i.e. blood, pain, sense of control)
     
  9. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    yea its bleeding alot and prob the reason why i cut is because it distracts me for a while so i dont think about suicide....
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 14, 2007
  10. Anamnesis.

    Anamnesis. Active Member

    Is it actually running down your leg constantly? Or do you just have a drops rolling down? If it's bleeding like the first then you should deffinetely call 911. They won't be ashamed of you at all, they're there to help you, not criticize you.
     
  11. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    ehh its constant but very very slow and its not them i care about its my mom and the rest of my family....knowing my mom she will put every type of med they have on me and i know that will make me worse....
     
  12. Anamnesis.

    Anamnesis. Active Member

    I've been put on meds before too mate (and true, they don't do anything), when my mom found out I had manic depression she tried slapping Zoloft on my ass but after awhile of spitting out the pill every time she gave it to me she quit, and after my mom found out people had commited suicide while on Zoloft she was thankful that I never took them. If your mom tries to do that just refuse, and eventually they will give up. Or just show her the reports of antidepresent medication causing people to kill themselves, that will probably do the trick. You should try getting a counselour (that's what I did), they're okay to talk to if you have the patience for them and there are no "side effects" except for maybe wasted time. And they aren't allowed to tell your parents ANYTHING unless you give them permission. Unless of course you tell them you're going to kill someone.
     
  13. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    My mom works at a hospital so she will try something else then....and im to afraid to tell anyone offline about my problems....
     
  14. Anamnesis.

    Anamnesis. Active Member

    True, she could try throwing you into a psyc ward and I'm sure you don't want that (neither the hell would I). Like you I don't tell anyone about my problems, and it's probably better that way. If I showed one of my friends my mutilated arm they would probably call me a psyco and proceed to back away as if I was about to clean out their eyesockets with a rusty fork (thus I don't really consider them friends anymore). But don't you have any close friends you could tell about it and maybe get some comfort from?
     
  15. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    eh i have no "close friends" i kinda avoid people now because i dont want them to find out about my problem
     
  16. Anamnesis.

    Anamnesis. Active Member

    Yea, so do I. Ever since I started cutting I haven't really talked to anyone, which it's not like I ever use to before. But now I really don't talk to anyone. Some of my teachers actually came up to me and asked me if anything was wrong (teachers have beating hearts with blood flowing through them? Whoa!), but I blatently told them no. I got incredibely nervous today when a teacher asked how I'd gotten blood on my sweatshirt becuase just about 10 minutes earlier I had been down in the woods cutting and it had leaked through, I don't think I've ever sweat so much in my life. She actually bought that I had just got ketchup on it and I had tried to rinse it off lol.
     
  17. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    i can understand you avoiding people.You sound about as alone with your poroblems as i feel tonight.i sorry you feel so bad and im here for you if ever you want to talk.i used to cut too and im so tempted to go back to it.i understand you saying sometimes it seems like a distraction from suicide for a bit.i often felt that with cutting among feeling other things besides.i was lucky though.i dont like a lot of blood so i know with cutting id never go to far....never ever.Cos i dont like much blood at all.i understand you thinking people are ashamed of you but im sure they at least arent as ashamed of you as you think and they may well not actually be ashamed of you at all.They might admire you in life for all you know!!!It must be hard having your Mum working in the hospital but perhaps you could use it to your advantage somehow.Not sure how but perhaps you jsut could.Do you think your leg needs medical attention?i wihs you could reach out if you think it does.The good news - Valetines must be over for at least another year now hopefully nearly...........i wish i could offer more help but i am here.Please keep talking and letting things out.And please be careful not to let things go too far [if you must hurt yourself at all that is - obviously we wouls prefer not!].Sorry your hurting so much inside too.
     
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