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Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by sakuragirl, Jul 14, 2008.

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  1. sakuragirl

    sakuragirl Well-Known Member

    So, where do I start? There seems like there is a lot to vent/express/open up about but its overwhelming so I am going to list the situations to my depression and see if that helps. No-one needs to respond as I feel I am doing this more for myself than anything else. I guess its time to face life.

    1. Bi-polar
    2. OCD
    3. Anxiety
    4. My father abused me in more than one way
    5. Raped
    6. My first serious BF abused me and turned out to be a pedophile
    7. Was hit by a drunk driver and couldn't walk for a long time
    8. my 1st husband left me because i wasn't woman enough to have a baby (eptopic)
    9. My stepfather called me chicken shit and pissed on me
    10. My second husband abused me, pdoc says i have Chronic Abused Spouse due to him
    11. i have been separated from my friends and family
    12. i have a low opinion of self
    13. my depression caused me to be demoted at work
    14. my soon to be ex husband tried to kill me
    15. i was held up at gunpoint as part of my job
    16. I watched a friend shoot themselves as part of a prank gone bad and i couldn't stop it
    17. Bullied through school
    18. paranoia

    Thats the list I am willing to admit at this point so now to get through it. I have to do this to get on with my life and stop wishing i was dead.
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    I just want to say that I hope that you overcome your demons and past experiences.
    And just know that your not alone.
  3. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    wow i'm really sorry, you've been through so much. look after yourself, you really deserve it. i dont know you but i'd say you're a really good person who's just been very unlucky in their life. i don't know what to say, my thoughts are with you is all. really hope life gets better.
  4. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    i'm sorry you've had to face so much. it's just not right, but unfortunately that's reality. if you feel you need to talk about any one of those things please feel free to pm. i will do whatever i can to help. :please: take care
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You have been through some horrible things in your past. The important thing to remember is that they are in the past and you survived them. You are a survivor. You have proven that. If you can survive the original trauma, you can survive what it takes to heal and move forward. :hug:
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I know you have been thru alot. but in my opinion you should say goodbye to all those thoughts that drag you down. Think about it what good is holding on to those thoughts doing for you(besides holding you back).
    I'll use one of my therapists remarks. If someone offered you a plate of puke would you take it? of course you wouldn't, so why hold on to the thoughts that are making you sick. Are you in therapy? If you aren't then you should really think about getting one. They can teach you to stand on your two feet and hold your head high. I wish you the best!!
  7. sakuragirl

    sakuragirl Well-Known Member

    I had a therapist but she was sickeningly happy all the time so the doc put me on meds and once they kick in he wants me to go to group and one one one therapy.

    I printed this list and put it next to the computer because I cant let go of the pain, i know that i have to face it, accept it and then try and conquer it.
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    If you decide to do group, be carefull. I won't go into detail but I had nothing but bad experinces with the two I tried. The one on one sounds good and encouriging. Just remember know matter what, that you are in control and can get up and leave if you need to. You have had enough abuse in your life. You don't need any on top of them. I hope you receive the help you need. Just remember we are here for you. If you need to talk or vent feel free to PM me!!:chopper:!!
  9. sakuragirl

    sakuragirl Well-Known Member

    19. I’m ugly, overweight and dorky looking
    20. I have multiple scars from beatings/SH
    21. I have been ostracized from church because I turned to drink
    22. Was used as a bargaining tool for favors by my father
    23. I get panic attacks in public places
    24. I actually desire to go back to my ED days (5ft8 and 84lbs)
    25. My soon to be ex husband has put me into $30k of debt/ I have to file bankruptcy after the divorce

    more to add to my list
  10. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you have been going thru, and still are, a lot.
    Im in group therapy atm, and one on one.
    I have to say i don't find that the group therapy is all that helpful to me. I fear big groups anyway, and yea, theyr not big big, but theyr bigger than one one obvs.
    But everyones different and it may be that it's better for you that way.
    I hope you get the help you need thru therapy and pm me if you need to talk :)
  11. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    I don't know what to say... but felt like sending you a few hugs. :hug: :hug: I hope you get the help you need and deserve and you start to feel better about things. :hug:
  12. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i am sorry to read how much you have suffered. i understand that you want to come to terms with the ways you have been victimized, but wonder if might also start anohter list, one that honors you for surviving... it might look like this...

    1. survivor
    2. empathetic
    3. in touch with my feelings
    4. strong
    5. compassionate

    and so on... i added empathetic and compassionate because i believe that those of us who have sufferered abuse are much more aware of other people's suffering, as well as our own. would you continue the list?
  13. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I am just checking in with you to see how things are going? Have you found a therapist yet? I wish I could come up with away to show your dad what an asshole he is. I have a daughter and a grandaughter, if someone was to hurt them that way, well lets just say I pitty him because he would become FUBAR!!! I'm sorry for going over the edge, it just really pisses me off when I hear about stuff like that. I hope you are out of that now? Please be Safe and remember we are here for you!!!:chopper:
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