Hi. I don't know what to write or how to express my feelings, but I feel it might be helpful for me to get some advice... I'm not depressed I don't think, at least not most of the time, but I still find my existence futile, I don't want to be me, I dislike the majority of people and find the world cruel and unfair. A lot of my issues and self-depreciation comes from comparisons with my younger sister. She is physically beautiful, extremely talented in many different fields, very chatty, very witty, funny, mature, classy, natural and very likeable as a person. Oh and also very motivated. I, on the hand, am none of these things. I haven't got attractive facial features, I don't have a talent, I'm quiet and introverted and quite socially awkward, I've always been quite immature/chavvy, I've done a lot of things in the past which I'm ashamed of, I'm not good at conversation, I have terrible concentration to the point where I can watch stuff and then not be able to tell you what it was about or I miss key concepts and ideas, unless it is something which is completely mindless. I don't suppose any of you can understand how horrible it is being such a pointless and non-likeable person and having a YOUNGER sister (I'm not talking one year - I'm talking three) who is so much more interesting and well liked than yourself? All my family prefer her, even guys in the past which I have liked and gone after have preferred her to me, new people we meet on holiday etc take a shine to her straight away and don't even notice me. I don't reckon a sibling has ever had more of a disadvantage. Anyway she justs serves to remind me how useless I am. I'm in a dead end job that I hate (despite being a graduate) and don't know what to do next, I don't really have any friends at home (had a couple or so at uni) that I actually like a lot and respect, sometimes I dislike my parents, no-one ever tries to befriend me, I never know what to do with myself in my spare time, I don't know how to talk to people, I have concentration problems. Everything just seems to be one long vicious circle in my life, like my popularity (or lack thereof), my lack of conversational skills, my lack of things to do, my self-hatred, my hatred of other people and the world. I'm so tragic and pathetic that I'm worrying what you lot who don't know me and presumably are nice and non-judgemental people are thinking of me right now. My post doesn't even make sense. What I'm trying to say though is that I hate me, I hate my life, but I want to do something about it, but I don't know what. I live in a little rural town so there are no clubs to join to develop new interests and meet nice new people. I have thought about ending my life a lot in the past, but I think it would destroy my mum so I couldn't do it (I think the rest of my immediate family would be sad, but that they would be more able to get over it and get on with their lives). I also am put off by the depressing thought of my funeral, which my poor parents would have to rally around and organise, which hardly anyone would be bothered about coming to, about what decent things could actually be said about me, about people who used to hate me at school for no real reason being joyous about my suicide. What can I do? Am I doomed to lead a sad, lonely, futile life? Am I an inarticulate, incomprehensible fuckwit? Please help. How can I improve myself/my life?