So once again I'm finding myself back where i began. My 'friends' are fed up with my whining and moaning. They ask me how I am but no matter my answer they aren't satisfied. If I say I'm fine I get moaned at for lying, if I say I'm having a bad day I get moaned at for being attention seeking. I just can't win. I can go around pretending everything is normal, acting like everything is right with the world, but it would be a lie. And no matter how hard I try there is only so long you can pretend for, only so long you can act for and I can't do it indefinitely. I can walk around everyday with a smile on my face, but pretty soon its gonna crack and people are going to see how not okay I am. But them I'm back to being attention seeking. So I have two choices, live a lie and be surrounded by people, or tell the truth and lose everyone. Seems like no choice at all. Maybe this doesn't even make sense. Its a ramble I guess but I have no where else to get this down. nowhere else to turn when the darkness just swallows me whole. Maybe writing it down will help. Maybe I'm just fighting a losing battle. And if I'm never going to win, why bother fighting?