I am so tired… nothing will ever change!! I just tick over day by day ,no ambition passion or dreams.. I have tried to find some but there is nothing and no one seems to understand that. I cant stand to look at myself in the mirror or to hear my voice I am ashamed of who and what I am . I am tired of the advise I know they want to help but it just makes it worse makes me feel even more incompetent and pathetic. I have tried to make friends to help others to support and be there but I was no good , every time I am confronted with my own hopeless demons how do you tell someone to keep fighting if all you want to do is die, if you cant give them any real reason to keep fighting, if there is nothing to talk about in your mind but death. In spite of how you feel you cant just let your friends die you talk beg plead but the person still kills themselves and you are left sad relieved and mad all in one.... The only two ppl you still talk to are in such a bad place with so much hurt that everyday you wonder if they to will give up and deep down you think maybe not such a bad thing less guilt you wont have to break your promise of never leaving them,but the thought stings your heart,tehy cant give up you feel like just disappearing and reason that they will forget about you soon write you off as just another fake, how can I know for real that they care anyway. But you cant leave just in case they really care and if they care you cant ad to there burden and this brings you to another dilemma you find yourself isolated just you and your thoughts no one to talk to yes ppl tell you that they are there to listen but are they really they all probable feel like me.So I just keep plodding ahead tormented by my mind with a smile on my face lend my shoulder and encourage those who need it until I reach that point of no retune when nothing will matter just my selfish need to end it all……………………….