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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Bigman2232, Oct 22, 2012.

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  1. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    For several weeks I have felt at least average. Not paticularly bad but not particularly happy either.

    But this is only because I haven't had to deal with reality. When I've done enough to get my fucking family off my back about getting a job or when I can avoid any real need to evaluate where I'm at and especially if I can avoid the reality of just how lonely I am, I can maintain at least some sense of normalcy and not be the pissed off person I am.

    But that never lasts. Now I'm nervously waiting to find out if I can get a job that any high school kid could do. Something that is seasonal and part time. Just because there is nothing else. I'm never good enough.

    Lonliness is back because I went to a party this weekend with old friends 3 hours away and now I'm back in hell where I have no one.

    I just can't function in reality.

    Everything comes down to money.
  2. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Everybody does better with a break from the day to day grind on occasion, and yes, I must agree the extent of that break and the nature of things to do depend often on having money to do things of interest. If you are truly lucky you can get enough break from a few hours with a good book or a long walk or an impromptu camping trip with blankets to your backyard- but most of us wish for more than such easily available remedies at least on occasion. Even though it was only several weeks I am glad you had the feeling of "not particularly bad" for a short while, as it may remind you that like the good, the bad can be a temporary place. If you know there is a place or way for you not to be be unhappy then you know it is worth the effort to get back into that state and try to stay there as long as possible.

    Good luck on the job - I hope you get it and that it helps some with the money for a while at least - It is a good time of year so do not give up applying for seasonal work regardless while waiting to hear from one, and hopefully you you will be able to plan another short trip.

    Take Care and Be Safe

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