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  1. anotherearthplease27

    anotherearthplease27 Well-Known Member

    I think I am truly at my end...before all my actions/cries for help were just that..cries for help...but now....

    ...i just don't see a way to real...not my real but everyone elses...you know being the good daughter and granddaughter...having a house ...kids...happiness....maybe not even back to my own real...just existing..escaping..praying that i can find my place in the world of things because God knows I dont fit in with the world of people...

    ...do you know that has always bothered me..that i dont fit in anywhere.....but its sort of funny....these last ten years i have isolated myself so much that instead of looking at humanity and longing to be one of you...i've come to the conclusion..not so much anymore....why on earth would i want to live and be like a human.....we are so cruel to one another..its like we define ourselves by our cruelty....we don't allow each other to make mistakes...and God forbid that we are different from one another........we are like chickens...we peck the weak to death.

    but are the weak weak?....or are they just tired of playing such stupid games. i know i am tired of watching them.

    i am just coming here to thank you all for your support and patience...i know i can be a pain..i know i dont deserve help but some of you reached out to me and i appreciate it. i wish i was a better support for you.

    i wish you all luck..for those of you who have found love at some time...you should fall on your knees and thank whatever Being or Circumstance that led you down that path...its a Gift...and even if you had it only briefly you should count yourself lucky.

    you know whats weird ...i dont mean to sound creepy but there is beauty in pain(..and no i dont find pleasure in seeing people in pain)....actually i think in our pain we find just how special life is and or those who love us. plus..just think.....i bet if we were happy all the time we wouldnt trust it..or who knows maybe it wouldnt make us happy anymore...........i wonder if having to fight for your happiness is a gift in itself...if you find happiness you will be that much more appreciative and perhaps you will experience it more intensely.

    ..sorry...just the ramblings of a mad woman...

    i know what i'm about to say is hypocritical..but i hope all of you fight for your lives..you are worth it.

    sigh ...guess that is all

  2. 3.141592654

    3.141592654 Well-Known Member

    How abut this very forum. Don't you feel you fit in here?

    I just rewatched the matrix and at some point agent Smith talks about how they created the perfect matrix where everyone was happy and it just didn't work. I think he and you are right.

    I hope you are able to hang on. :hug:
  3. yep

    yep Well-Known Member

    You don't know me but say thanks to me for my support? I have not supported you and there is just one simple reason for that, I have not know you were in pain at all. You can go along a busy street and feel alone and then say you are lonely but no one will know unless you say here I am , I need help. You are not alone. You seem to have chosen than path but is up to you to reach out to me and to others who care. If you kill yourself, you kill the hope and the future. Happiness is not something you "find" like a lost ring, happiness is constructed everyday with others, and is not a place you get after a long journey but a journey itself with ups and downs. You are not alone in this journey. I am here.
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi AEP - pleased to meet you and that you have friends here - who won't cut you down or be cruel in any way. I certainly do not think you are mad in the slightest - I have thought like you write all of my life - and OK, I "exhibited" signs of mental illness - but that was just for a season while I was healing deep within - but your musings contain so much truth, and the Matrix - such an insightful movie, and that quote above, so true :)

    So please AEP, we are here amongst friends. You are certainly not alone in your thoughts and conclusions honey :) And being the real you - does not necessarily include being good or "successful" in other ppl's eyes - almost certainly it doesn't! :)
  5. anotherearthplease27

    anotherearthplease27 Well-Known Member

    Thank you 3.141592654.

    I never feel like i fit in anywhere...and yes even here.....although i do feel safer here ...thank you.
  6. anotherearthplease27

    anotherearthplease27 Well-Known Member

    Yep...thank you for being there.
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun you are safe here ok and you do fit in hun we understand and we care ok so don't ever feel like you cannot talk here hugs
  8. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I think not fitting in is a category many of us can fit into...I have always felt out of the mainstream...have been labeled too smart, too stubborn too ____, but unlike Goldilocks, never just right...as I got older, I have become more comfortable with saying to myself, this is me, take me or leave me...and I found friends who can accept me, as I do them with all of my warts...pain does bring us a deeper understanding of others, and people can seem cruel...it think it depends upon what lens one wears, because people can also be so very kind...please look for the kindness here...it has tempered my bitterness when I have had days of 'people are animals or morons"...and keep posting
  9. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    .... and the thing about "Reality" is, that reality is 2-dimensional.....

    That's why we can feel we don't fit in.

    One dimension being the material/physical world in which we find ourselves living out the years in doing, working, surviving, sleeping, eating, maybe reproducing, etc.....

    And the other dimension (which is just as real, but not immediately to hand unless discovered) - is the metaphysical reality, about which differing opinions abound - and which holds the key to understanding the meaning of it all.

    My problem was that, as a child, I was in circumstances which I thought were normal but consisted very largely of the 2nd dimension - and I took this as the 'only' reality..... being an only child of an only child, it was very easy to make this mistake - however, my journey has been one of integration. Maybe this makes very little sense, but I write it because of something that Albert Einstein said, that "we cannot ever really know anything, except by experience".

    So, if all people have experienced as reality from a child is of the material/physical reality - it can be very hard to know the 2nd. I sort of had the reverse issue - which was not without its own set of problems :) But life is for learning and it's a journey, and every day is a new beginning with new mercies in it :)
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