Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by see, May 21, 2008.

  1. see

    see Well-Known Member

    When you feel like a animal trapped in a cage you are mad, you are afraid, you going insane, you cant find words to express the uterter disgust, dispare and hoplessness you feel inside your heart.
    The toughts of taking your life overwhems.You reach out but you dont know what to say you can t be alone yet you are alone you hurt your friends when you tell them you want to leave you hurt them when you dont talk to them cause you feel so dark and negative that you dont want to bring them down more than they already are, you cant be there for them cause you bleeding and you dont know how to fix it.
    Then someone leaves you, you see them die your emotions explode and it pushes you to the edge. The only way you can seem to find peace is to end it cause you cant deal with it for a min your think well what about my friends those who say they care then you realize the world just goes on you a nothing a nobody and when you gone you gone......

    I am trapped i am bleeding i dont know how to fix it how to reach out i dont know how to say goodbye to those who seem to care without drawing blood from there heart.

    i breath but i am dead i have pushed away and hurt those who cared i am left standing alone in the dark ...:blub:
  2. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I feel much the same way. I feel that my 'negativity' has pushed away some of my family. They're tired of hearing it - well I'm tired of LIVING it.:sad: Mom nags me to get a job when there are few jobs out there, dad says God will take care of me, sister tells me of the damage my drinking has inflicted on my kids... the list of my bad qualities goes on and on. sister's reminding me of the harm my drinking had on my kids depresses me even more (tho I already knew that) and then when I tell her how depressed I am she 'yells' at me for being so negative...:blink: Am I missing something here? Besides a working brain and good sense and a job, I mean?:blink:

    The absolute worst part of it is that I desperately want to blow my brains out before I do anymore damage, but that in itself would cause my kids irreparable harm. So I can't kill myself, I can't remove this useless life, I can't end the misery cause that would extend it for my kids.:sad:

    I'm absolutely trapped, like an animal in a leg hold trap trying to chew his foot off to escape.:sad:

    what a horrible position to be in...