Realization

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sadhart, Feb 19, 2014.

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  1. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I don't want to deal with all of this pain for the rest of the year. There are too many things that are hurting some of them all at once. I am worthless and a mistake and i don't care how i sound like a victim or whatever I am tired of the pain.
     
  2. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    :freehug: Sadhart

    Please believe you are not worthless and a mistake

    If you wish to offload your pain we are all here for you

    tc Sadhart
     
  3. unionfalls

    unionfalls Well-Known Member

    :hug2: You are not worthless Sadhart. Keep posting here and let it out. Wishing you did not feel this way. Feeling your pain, hoping we may help in relieving it.
     
  4. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I appreciate the kind words, but I see no reason to go on. There is too much hurt and I have been carrying a lot of it for five years now. I can't do this anymore.
     
  5. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    Thank you, but I think it's starting to become clear that the pain I'm carrying will not go away.
     
  6. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    By telling someone...us....may not make pain go but it will possibly ease it.

    Try us please.
     
  7. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I guess I'll open up about the major thing that has bothered me since last night. For the past five years I have not been able to fully heal from a painful rejection. I accept and try to understand that she wasn't into me, but it was some of the hurtful things she had said that made me question myself as not a man, but as a person as well.

    Last night, I came across her facebook page and don't ask me why, but I looked at it. I didn't stay on it too long and I wasn't jealous or bitter. I just felt really sad and depressed. I don't want to die because she didn't like me...I want end my life because I am tired of all the hurt I feel on a constant basis. It doesn't help that the other problems in my life are just stacking up everyday. Since the pain won't go away, then I want to just go away and die.
     
  8. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    Five years is a long time. But still a lasting memory as you have shown.

    So re opening the wound as you did last nite has shown how much you cared. Thats understandable.

    You need to try and not re visit the past if its doibg thus to you. Harder to do than say of course.

    You mention other issues stacking up. So possibly concentrating on these, one by one, will give you focus and help improve things.
     
  9. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    Last night didn't reopen the wound....stuff triggers painful memories about her all the time. I'm not into scientology, but they call it the reactive mind or something like that.
     
  10. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    I know what you are saying....pattern matching.... You see the smallest thing which brings back memories. As i say it will usually be nice memories. No need to loose those. Just try to loose the sadness by remembering good times.
     
  11. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    What nice memories? There are none. I think I may go through with this in a few days. I will have a little money then, and I can get what I need. I'm going somewhere secluded....I won't be in this house; this is so no one will find me.
     
  12. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    Im surprised you say not have nice memorues. But onky you will know.

    But as you are still posting, please look at some of the seperate 'sticky posts' here on thus site before you go anywhere else.
     
  13. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member


    I have had nice moments in my life, yes. But they don't take away the pain I feel. It's like if there was a pile of garbage on the floor and rather than pick it up, you just put a rug over it. Yeah you can't see it, probably smell it, yet, you know it's still there. I'm sorry for being so negative, but I can't ignore that this hurt inside is there.
     
  14. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    Glad you recognise the nicer parts . You need to let tgese be tge strongest memories.

    The example you mention of covering the other stuf is very true. I had a client who had similar concerns. Her way to deal with these was to think of the stuf she prefered not to remember, place it all in an imaginary boat and watch it sail off to an island that was used for landfill. All the bad stuf had gone away as far as possible with no need to retrive it.
     
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