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Realizing how scarred I am

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LightInTheDarkestNight, Mar 16, 2009.

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  1. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Physically and mentally I am fucked. Visible problems with my looks on top of, social isolations, fear of rejection, I've recieved romantic rejecting tons of times the past few years. They always want someone with a better status and looks then themselves.

    Not to mention I suffer from intesne fatigue at times especially when I wake up. My immune system is fucked I have had 3 cold sores on in the past 3 weeks. Even though I eat extremely healthy and workout.

    I put myself out there and I just get rejected even though I'm already damaged goods it makes things even worse. I don't go out due to my fatigue as well as I'm highly self concious with my visible health issues.

    Bascially I don't want to really die I just hate my life so much, there is no point to it just lonesome and solititude and when I try to put myself out there I get rejected. I've gone through immense physical pain as well as emotional and it's just overwhelming.

    I know what I should do(thats kill myselft) But I just can't walk away... even though I know at this point I'm due for a life of lonesome fatigue and misery unless some miracle happens. Which won't happen since I have the worst like my friends used to joke about it when I was younger when I actually had friends. And now it's 100x worse..

    not to mention no one would or care that I died. Sure my family would to some degree but even then I'm more of a burden to them. I fucked my life up so bad sure I had some things against me predispositons etc but I dunno anything I try is in vain I should just not even call my one buddy or try to socialize with any women it's pointless.......
  2. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter


    Im here if you wanna talk..
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    If you reject yourself, it is very difficult for someone to prove you wrong...intimate relationships built on the physical vanish; intimate relationships built on the heart have a much greater probability of enduring...you sound like you have a lovely heart...make no excuses for who you are or what you bring to the table...find someone for whom you can engage her heart...big hugs, J
  4. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    thanks I do try to put myself out there but I suffer from social rejection, romantic rejection, social isolation, probably rejection sensitivity too after it happening too much.

    heres a quote which is very true. One reason why romantic rejection is so common in society is a tendency called falling upward. People generally desire mates that are higher than themselves on such characteristics as status and physical attractiveness, but not ones who are lower.

    This makes sense my status is low no realy friends one guy who doesn't call me back quite often but then again some of the time I don't feel up for anything so nothing is set. So no real guy best friends is a big negative no job, no social life, health problems. Not to mention the physical attractiveness some of problems I have to deal with.

    Women cancel plans or just don't pick up when they I call . When it's often them who intiate wanting to do something. It's almost easier just to not go out as I'm so tired and fatigued most of the day.

    People can be rude as fuck as well I almost want to rage on someone who does something mean or insulting to me.

    The bottom line is I'm the problem!
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