Really, anyone there?

I sit here with my alcoholic beverage and a laptop trying to find reasons to go on. But I cant. Im a freak, a loser. Im not worth the skin I currently reside in. I dont know whats its like to actually be happy. Ive known pain since I was 5. Thats when he first touched my special places. That went on for a few years. Since that things have only gotten worse.

Whats the point in pain and suffering? Why are we here? I know people who have suffered much less and much more. But really, whats the point in all of it? Are we just pawns in an eternal chess game? IS there something out there?

Of course these are philosophical questions that cant be answered. But I want some refuge from the pain. Some respite from the lifetime of suffering. There just doesnt seem to be a way out.

I read plenty of posts here from people desperately seeking something, anything but the pain. Is there anyone out there who can answer or help with this?

I dont want to die. I have a beautiful daughter and good friends. My daughter is the only one keeping me from ending it all. Im not trying to be melodramatic. Though I am sure I am being just that. Its just that Im tired of going on. Its very bothersome to pretend to be happy for the mases anymore. SO again, any answers out there?

 

We don't have the answers to those questions, I don't think anyone does, except for the answers we give ourselves. It's wonderful that you have your daughter with you and keeping you there. I'm one of the ones who has suffered less, but we are all here for the same reason, and I hope that you can find some comfort here. :hug: :console:

 

Don't be happy for the mases out there Be happy for you and your daughter
by happy you can wake up and see her face and share another day with her.
If your pain is too great call your doctor and get new meds to ease the pain okay. Don't put on a face for anyone if you are sad cry but be happy you are here with your beautiful daughter and that each day together is a blessing

 

I shouldve elaborated. My daughter, Cassandra, lives with my ex. I rarely see her. Though she is the reason I havent ended it, its losing its potency. I dont want to die, I really dont. But Im just coming to an end.