The last few days have been really bad for me. No particular reason. Seems I have been thinking more about how much I hate the current state of my life. I dont know what to do. For any of you who know about my med situation, I am really up against the wall. What is the hardest is knowing that I can be happy but that I am not allowed to be. By both the medical establishment and by God. Like I said, I have been feeling more and more up against the ropes. And because of this, the suicide thoughts are coming more and more. This sux. Alot, I think about hurting myself just to get some help. Probabyl wouldnt work, but at least I might get a few pain pills. I feel empty, every day just drags. Its like being alive is a waste of time. I really need help. I dont know what to do!