Okay so I posted on this forum once before years ago, and honestly I don't even remember what I said. I thought I would never be back in this hole, I thought I had grown enough to overcome anything and never feel the weight of the "d" word again, but here I am. I hate to even call myself depressed because I feel like I should be strong enough to get over whatever is going on, but bad things just keep happening and I can't make anything better. At the beginning of this year my brother came out to my parents and it tore our family apart. Then my grandmother died and we stopped spending holidays with the rest of our family because my parents were too ashamed to show their faces with a gay son. Then I got dumped by the only person I ever felt I could relax with and trust, he called me a psycho and blocked my telephone. We shared an amazing connection at first, but he didn't understand my family problems and didn't want to deal with me anymore. So now I'm alone at school (summer classes, I'm almost a college senior) getting random screaming/crying phone calls from my mother who can't get over the fact that she has a gay child, telling me its all our fault and that my dad is going to lose the job because they are so upset and they are going to sell the house. My dad isn't around much for her anymore, he is away on business for weeks at a time. And I just have no one to talk to, nowhere safe to land. On top of the major stuff bad luck just seems to follow me. Its just one thing after another and I can't seem to catch my breath. I keep thinking something good has to be around the corner, but it never comes. Its just more and more bad news. I try so hard to be pretty and perfect and a good friend. I'm always picking up extra shifts at work, I work out every day until I'm dizzy and watch how much I eat, so that I'm tired enough that I know I'll sleep through the night. But I have some wine before bed just to be sure. I know lots of people have it worse than I do, but I can't help thinking what did I do to deserve all this?