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Really Depressed

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Ugh226

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#1
I’m new here, but I’m not new to depression or suicidal ideation. I’ve had depression since I was an early teen, and I’ve attempted suicide four times. The last time was a serious attempt, and I almost died. I was going through a nasty divorce at the time and was full of fear, anger, sadness, confusion, etc. That was almost 8 years ago. I’ve had several depressive episodes in the last several years, but none as serious as the former. Until now. I feel like I’m spiraling downward, but I’m keeping my true feelings and thoughts mostly to myself. I’m afraid of being “known” for the sick person I am. I feel like so many people still stigmatize depressed people and especially those dealing with suicidal thoughts. I guess I feel alone, on top of feeling tired, fuzzy-headed, neglected, unimportant, unloved. My middle daughter hasn’t spoken to me since March, and not for reasons you may assume. She is dealing with her own mental health issues and has continually beaten me up emotionally. Any time I said she shouldn’t talk to me a certain way, etc, she went berserk and then would proceed to block me on her phone, etc. We were always close, and this abandonment by her is nearly killing me.
 
#3
Thank you for your honesty about all of that. I'm sorry that you had to go through that, I mean, you're still dealing with the aftermath of that divorce so you could still have lingering feelings from that that could be intensifying these suicidal emotions.

I would like to make it clear you are not alone here. One of the most painful experiences a parent can have is to be rejected by a child who appears to want nothing to do with you.

Often when we’re hurting we resort to anger, resentment, or vengefulness. Remember, she is going through her own hardships in life and we all cope in different ways. Some people close themselves off from family and loved ones. If you want to have a relationship with her, make sure she knows she's not alone in this storm. Most importantly, make sure you are okay. Nobody deserves to put up with emotional abuse.
 
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