really feel bad

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jimk, Oct 30, 2008.

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  1. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    this morning dissociated and lost couple of hours. not sure WTH i did. hope gave correct pills to my son John and me. when started coming back to earth was total disorientation adn could not remember how to do anything.

    am back more now but feel like warmed over death. do not dare call therapist, crisis line, nurse at my hmo's consulting nurse service. do not want to post on my home website either and say just how really bad i feel rite now. cannot find a damn thing that holds my attention and want to do so i am here on large part of me is very tired of the battles and just want it all to be over. the night terrors, the flashbacks, the waves of feelings and then checking out to god knows where is real old.

    last few days hhad cut cig intake in half. had cut the calcium antacid tabs intake by 4/5s. coffee half as much. that has all gone straight to hell and do not give a damn today. do not feel like a good little boy now. not sure what your swear word rules are here so cleaning this converssation up very much.

    30 minutes to feed johnny. then remember and hope to stay in here and now and get his afternoon pills right and then cornbread mix and canned chili for dinner. that will be tough enuf to accomplish.

    would go to bed and hope to sleep this damn mood away but tried that little bit ago and just ain't going to happen today. just going to hope that tomorrow looks better than rite now?????

    Hope you are doing better than me.. Jim
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi sorry you are feeling so awful...have had many experiences similar to DID as I was a victim of severe CSA and I know what it is like to loose entire days...why are you hesitant to contact your therapist? is there a pdoc that is working with you? hope you have a better afternoon and that you are able to get some of the things done that need to get done...other than those things, I am sure everything can wait...please continue to post and PM me if I can be there for you...all the best, J
  3. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    yesterday was the bloody fuckin pits. today is 1000% better. got some sleep. am in here and now that is ok. chatted with friend from australia. touched a lot of bases and both know just how much we truly care about each other. johnny eating breakfast accompanied by favorite cd of Clapton and i got hot cup of coffee and marlboro next to computer.... that is great

    going to take johnnny grocery shopping in couple of hours and then just try to practice enjoying life and nice na leiusurely do good stuff that turns me on. yesterday wanted it maybe end and scared at same time it would. today is ok and that is simply great.. you take care, Jim and John
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