Really feel like ending it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by InnerStrength, Jan 13, 2007.

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  1. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    I'm freeing myself from a certain financial burden that will not fall to my parents after death. And so, today, I have a very strong urge to end it. With no responsibilites left to consider, it seems the most pragmatic thing to do.

    I'm just tired. Life doesn't hold any excitement for me anymore. I live life through alien lenses, normal human feelings notwithstanding. It's so pathetic. I hold no appreciation for life, or anything else. Life just feels false and shallow. I feel shallow, more importantly.

    Everyone seems imbued with a certain vitality, except me. It's an effort to get up everyday, nothing interests me really. My life is just a downward spiral, I want to stop the descent.
  2. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    i hope u can stop the decent too! sounds like u need to find soemthing that makes me happy. make new friends, take up a new hobbie...dont disguard things b4 u have tried them.
    Good luck wit everything :smile:
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    It sounds like your depression is taking over as it tends to do with everyone. Are you taking any meds or in any type of counseling currently? I am not saying that these are the only answers, but may be worth a try if you haven't already. You need to try and find something that is positive. Something you enjoy doing. Try to break this downward spiral. Turn it around somehow. Not an easy task, I know. I hope you are able to find some relief from the horrible empty feelings. My thoughts are with you. :hug:
  4. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    I've been "depressed" since my childhood. I was on medication for a short time during my teens, and it didn't help. In fact the pills probably made it worse.

    I don't know, probably worthless posting this. Not many people at all can relate to my situation. I just feel a sense of peace when I think about committing suicide. When I consider living through all the horrible years ahead I get angry and even more depressed. No, I think it is best to end my life very soon. I'm a failure, I've made myself that way through isolation.

    When you know you're a stupid, worthless person, it just seems very impractical to stay alive. I know this is inevitable, but I can't stop me from expressing myself all the same. sigh, I just wish death would find me instead of the other way around.
  5. Tearsalone

    Tearsalone Well-Known Member

    You are far from a stupid worthless person InnerStrength. You're a kind person, a person I respect for not just bottling it all up but showing people how you really feel. I know right nows a tough time and theres nothing I can really say to completly reassure you things are gunna get better, but we're all here for you.

    Everyone on here knows what your going through and we all wanna help you through this, if one soldier falls the whole platoon falls on its face remember.

  6. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    I have a suicide date planned out. April 5th, my birthday. What better gift to give myself than sweet oblivion. I used to be skeptical about this, but know I realize this course of action is the best for me. I am a mistake, about to be corrected. And I hope there is a Hell, I deserve to wallow in it...
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 14, 2007
  7. gizmo

    gizmo Active Member

    You've judged yourself worthy of suffering in torment for an eternity. Why is that?
  8. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Bad thoughts. That's enough.
  9. dark_malina

    dark_malina Member

    are you fat ? what is so terrible about yourself that you have to end it?, maybe it's not so terrible. some people have real diseases like cancer, my dad had cancer and just got better and met little kids who would love to have your healthy body , that is if you have a healthy body. ..
  10. gizmo

    gizmo Active Member

    If it is ok with you, would you mind telling me about your top 3 bad thoughts?
  11. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    That made me chuckle. No, I'm not fat. But my body--and mind-- are not healthy.
  12. Joy2BeWith

    Joy2BeWith Guest


    Hang in there man. I'm a 41 year married male, no kids, and been depressed most, if not all, of my life.

    I've been more meds than Larry King had marriages, and I know EXACTLY what you are going through.

    I know the pain your going through, man, do I ever know it.

    BUT, as much as I want to end it I know that I would make a terrible mistake.

    Find a spiritual path that you feel comfortable with and try it. Try meditation, it really helped me.

    Hang in there. I'm here to chat with you man, anytime.....

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