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Really frustrated and angry

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by sadhart, Jul 3, 2012.

  1. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    Everytime I voice my feelings, I feel like I'm playing the victim. Yes, I am guilty of things and I am not a good person, but there is only so much responsibility I can take. I am so tired of everything wrong, especially in my family being dumped on me. I have no means to get away, I don't have the balls to kill myself....I'm just tired and angry that I feel hopeless. I'm sorry for not being more detailed but even writing is becoming too much for me to do anymore.
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    You're no victim. You shouldn't feel guilty--let it go! You've done no-thing wrong; you're human, just like the rest of us, so give your-self a break, and take a look at what can be done to get where it is you need to be. Money? Find work. Save. When you are healthy enough to do so. Can you seek medical treatment to get to that point? Are there any people in your life you can trust to talk to? You have every right to express your self freely as the rest of us do! Take Care...& just do what-ever you can to focus on getting better, rather than getting worse (I know that depression likes to keep us sick: so it is hard!)!
  3. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I appreciate you for responding, but I'm against anti depressants as they didn't help in the past and I didn't like the stigma of being overly judged and labeled by others. Talking to a therapist ( when I can afford it) is one thing, but I am sick of stupid pills. As for looking for work, yes, I am trying to look for steady work. Again, there is just so much I can do though on my part to get that job. I'm just tired of trying in vain at this point.
  4. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I don't like antidepressants either. It's something I haven't talked about much because I don't want to seem critical of those who use them, and I know a lot of people here do. For me, it's not about the stigma of pills... I don't think any less of a person for turning to pills for help. Hell, I regularly turn to the bottle myself, who am I to judge somebody for taking a pill? The fact is that I've tried antidepressants before, and they made me feel fake and empty inside. Was I happy? Well, I was smiling, though I wasn't really sure why. The whole thing just felt unnatural to me. Which is funny, coming from a guy who liked to smoke pot, drink alcohol and eat hallucinogenic mushrooms and whatever else I could get my hands on. I was quite used to feeling intoxicated, but those pills... that was something completely different. They didn't just change the way I felt... they changed who I was as a person. Everyone remarked on how happy I seemed, but on the inside, I felt dead... empty... completely disconnected from reality. I wasn't even myself anymore. I decided that I'd rather be me and be depressed than be someone I'm not and feel happy.

    Enough about that though. Pills work for some people, but they're not for everyone. Same with therapy... I've never had much luck with therapists either. I feel much better after venting my frustrations in a place like this, surrounded by people who might be able to identify with how I feel. This IS my therapy. Coming here to rant, vent, whatever... to talk to other people in similar situations, who are going through the same things I've been through, etc., being able to reach out to someone else and maybe even help them... and I have to say that I've met some really great people here, some of whom have been there for me when I didn't have anyone else to talk to, and that means everything to someone like me who has felt isolated for so long. This shit is therapeutic to me, and I apologize if anyone else is getting tired of seeing my posts everywhere... but this is how I deal with my problems. It works for me. Maybe it doesn't work for everybody, but you know what, we all came here for a reason - whether it be to vent, to reach out, or just to share our stories with the world so that we don't have to leave it feeling like our entire existence went unseen...

    I realize I'm ranting at this point, but like I said, that's how I get it all out. You're here, and you're talking, and that means that you do still care in some way. You're not done yet, even though it might feel like you are. You don't have to feel guilty or ashamed or like you're playing the victim or anything like that. We've all got problems and we all have the right to express them, and what better place to do that than here?
  5. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    You weren't ranting lonewolf, and you made some really good points. Yeah, I see nothing wrong if someone chooses to take meds...I have a problem with people who don't, and who see, to think it's there place to determine what a person "needs" It's bad enough when you have so called professionals in the mental health system who lazily prescribe pills because actually listening to why a person feels the way they do is much too hard apparently. But it's even more asinine when you have people who are not only professionals, but can't face their own crap, but seem to think they have more say in your own life than you have. Sorry if that didn't make sense.
  6. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I do know what you mean. I sat there for hours telling these so-called professionals all the hell I had been through in my life, and what was their solution? Did they have any great advice, or did they say "oh wow, that's terrible, I'm sorry you had to go through all of that"? No. Their answer was, "you are suffering from clinical depression, it is the result of a chemical imbalance. I'm going to write you a prescription that will get your brain back in its proper balance."

    Are you fucking kidding me??? It's like they didn't listen to a single word I said. They just nodded their heads and scribbled down notes... probably just doodling or writing out a grocery list, or writing down how boring I was and how they wish I would just shut up so that they could sell me some pills and be done with me.
  7. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    Last year, I went to see a doctor, and I tried to tell her what was going on in my life. Instead of listening, she just kept talking about pills. By far the dumbest thing she said though, is that the pills will make me happy when I'm supposed to be happy, and sad when im supposed to be sad. How I ended up not cussing her out, is beyond me.
  8. tness

    tness Well-Known Member

    I had also a choice to start on anti depressives, but I was to afraid to start taking them..
  9. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    What the hell kind of nanotechnology does she think she's pushing? How the fuck can a pill know what you're supposed to be feeling? Lol, I don't know if I would have cussed her out, but I probably would have looked at her like she just stepped off of an alien spacecraft... I mean, really? Seriously, these are the kind of people they put in charge of mental health? People who are certifiably insane?