Really hurting, desperately need help

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by AlwaysHeartache, Jul 21, 2016.

  1. AlwaysHeartache

    AlwaysHeartache Active Member

    Hi. Earlier tonight I posted my first post in the "My Story" section. I don't know if this was the best place for a first post, so I apologize if it was not.

    I really need some help. I'm totally lost and I don't know if there is anything that can help me.
     
  2. AlwaysHeartache

    AlwaysHeartache Active Member

    I just wrote my suicide note. I'm shaking.
     
  3. iam

    iam SF Supporter

    I know what you're going through. I've been in love with someone for 21 years. I'm married and she's with someone else. I have come to the conclusion that if we can't be together, being even a small part of her life is better than not at all. It's not easy though. I've been where you are rather be dead than not be with her. If you need to talk, I'm here.

    Also you should call Samaritans, might be better for you to actually talk to someone.
    Here for you hugs
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Here if you need to talk and plus1 on the samaritans, they are beyond excellent and can really help you through a crisis. ((hugs))
     
  5. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    We're here for you. Don't give up. Can you call your local crisis hotline number? We're always here. Hugs
     
  6. AlwaysHeartache

    AlwaysHeartache Active Member

    I spoke with a hotline yesterday. It was far beyond ineffective. After I told them about everything they just launched into platitudes. No guidance, nothing. Just hollow words about how "you can't have suicide on the table." But what else is on the table? They couldn't answer that.
     
  7. AlwaysHeartache

    AlwaysHeartache Active Member

    I guess I should also mention that I'm about to go into a field of employment where mental health issues - including severe depression - are a cause to lose your ability to practice. So in addition to all of the anguish, this is also going to make me lose the ability to earn a livelihood.
     
  8. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Hugs - Please don't lose hope.

    Sorry, the hotline didn't help. Hugs

    Know we are always here.
     
  9. AlwaysHeartache

    AlwaysHeartache Active Member

    I'm trying so hard to keep going. I really am. But I've grown tired and everything hurts. I don't see an alternative.
     
  10. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    I know the feeling. I been distracting myself with activities even when I don't feel like doing so. Has helped keep my going. Maybe try finding something to help get you going?
     
  11. AlwaysHeartache

    AlwaysHeartache Active Member

    I've been trying to find that. Nothing's helping. Everything I used to enjoy is now just... meaningless. I don't see any point or any options. I've written what I have to say to her. I think it will soften the blow. In the long term, I think she'll be happier.
     
  12. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    I understand things that use to be enjoyable seems meanless. I feel the same a lot of times. Hugs Hope you're able to feel better soon. Here for you.
     
  13. AlwaysHeartache

    AlwaysHeartache Active Member

    Right now the only thing keeping me alive is the fact that my body is so weak that I can't stand up to get pills in an adjacent room.
     
  14. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Are you safe?
     
  15. AlwaysHeartache

    AlwaysHeartache Active Member

    Define "safe."