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really lonely

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by X99, Oct 7, 2009.

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  1. X99

    X99 Member

    i use to have alot of friends and have no trouble meeting new ones, especially online. over the past 2 years i've drifted away from everyone except one good friend, but im so socially crippled. i have intense anxiety and have measured the value of myself through the people - especially girls i try to get to know. my depression just resonates through everything. every interaction is full of desperation and anxiety. i can't mask it anymore. i dont know why it matters so much. i wish i was a shallow jerk that didnt care about rejection but the fact is, i care too much. people dont reject me for my looks because the first impression is usually good, they reject me as a person. im positive that if given a chance i can make someone really happy. i do have alot to offer. my social anxiety is so bad that even this girl i have alot in common with has already lost interest just after a few back and forth emails.

    recently an acquaintance of mine commit suicide and to be honest i envy his success and im angry that innocent people die everyday while i sit here wishing death and yet im healthy...what for? sry....its been a bad few years
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF. :)

    You've come to the right place to have others to talk to about this. It will get better. Are you seeing a doctor?

  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums..I know what you mean because I have socialphobia..I have learned to open up some thru therapy..It's taken four years and I still have trouble with talking to people I don't know, but I have learned thru therapy not to knock myself down anymore..Few people understand this.. Are you seeing a pdoc?? Could be a chemical imbalance in your brain.. They can treat that with meds..
  4. X99

    X99 Member

    thanks, yes i do see a psychologist, but wont be able to for a few weeks because i just can't afford it. i tried medication but they clouded my thinking and i ended up having to drop out of the semester because of the withdrawal (followed my docs orders on proper tapering too) which caused seizures at night and it was basically like being on LSD for 4 weeks, i had to be committed to a hospital so im pretty much traumatized and unwilling to try meds or electroshock. my therapist just says i need to move past all of it and rejections will most likely occur but that i shouldnt dwell. easier said than done and at this point im just exhausted and want a break in the cycle.
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I've learned over the past few months that this site is a great place to meet people who understand, and even to make new friends. I hope we can help you.
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