Really lost it

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by LonerForever, Sep 4, 2011.

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  1. LonerForever

    LonerForever Well-Known Member

    I can smell my blood in the air
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    now time to get help then hun call crisis line talk to someone okay stay safe
  3. LonerForever

    LonerForever Well-Known Member

    Whats the point :/
  4. Illusion

    Illusion Well-Known Member

    Noooooooo :(
  5. truthhurts

    truthhurts Well-Known Member

    i got sad news for u: cutting only helps u for a brief moment, and leaves u empty and even more destressed afterwards. i kno it's rly hard but, the only solution that actually 'fixes' the problem, is finding a more healthy way to cope, and trying to sort out things that trigger u.
    also, it's VERY hard to go through with it on ur own. so, talking to someone, a friend, maybe family if u get along well, or medical personnel, can help u out alot. u do not hav to get through self-injury alone, it's okay to rely on others.
  6. grinded serenity

    grinded serenity Well-Known Member

    Truthhurts is right - cutting/self injury is a temporary fix. The scars become triggering later, so it just becomes a circle until you can break it, which trust me, gets harder every time you cut.

    Having somebody to talk to and help you in a crisis is vital. Anybody, even a shrink, will be benficial when you have nobody else.
  7. musicalpsycho

    musicalpsycho Active Member

    truthhurts is right, and even though it seems easy and comfortable to just sit in the dark and cut away (or do any other kind of self-harm), you have to find a way of controlling that urge when you get angry or upset or you're numb and just want to feel something. In the past few years, I've reduced the amount I cut significantly (from almost daily to monthly) by thinking about the embarrassing consequences of having those scars running up my arm. If that doesn't work then you can always try getting a freind or family member to remove knives etc which would force you to find other, maybe more constructive means of venting/ feeling something. Your doctor could refer you to a shrink or therapist if you just wanted to vent things to try and help.
  8. LonerForever

    LonerForever Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the replies.

    Unfortunately its not as easy as just seeing someone for me. I've pretty much ran out of reasons to live altogether. I know it defeats the point of me creating this thread in the first place but I'm not really all that sure I want help anymore....
  9. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I'm not really all that sure I want help anymore....
    That again is the depression speaking hun treat that dam sadness hun andyou will want the help you will want to get better hugs
  10. truthhurts

    truthhurts Well-Known Member

    indeed i agree with total eclipse that this cud be called 'the depression speaking'. when i was feeling like rly just want to end it, i kept telling myself things that now i kno, definetly are not true. i kept telling myself that i was doing a favor to others, my parents, my 2 sisters, my friends. i felt they wud be better off without me, which in reality was just a thought i kept telling myself so tht i wud feel better and less guilty for what i was about to do.
    suicidal way of thinking will seriously fck up your mind, it won't let u see clearly. u want most likely want to 'end it', because u want the mental pain to end, right? easy to say but, death is not a solution, it wont help anyone, not u, not anyone around u. even tho it might be very hard, the only way to 'fix yourself', is to deal with the reasons behind your self-harm and suicidal thoughts.
    i kno it's really hard, i took anti-depressants and had regular meetings with a psychiatrist for around half a year, and i'm still struggling with it a lot, tho im alrdy doing a bit better than i was before. things will get better when u deal with them, even if they take much time.
  11. LonerForever

    LonerForever Well-Known Member

    Won't dying solve the pain though? Once I'm gone thats it. I won't feel anything.
  12. truthhurts

    truthhurts Well-Known Member

    how do u kno what will happen after ur dead? how can u be sure that it'll be gone.
  13. LonerForever

    LonerForever Well-Known Member

    Because death is the end of everything for that individual.
  14. truthhurts

    truthhurts Well-Known Member

    sigh. well, im not sure im the best person for this conversation with u, for im a christian. meaning, i believe in heaven and hell. for what i believe, suicide is a deadly sin, a one-way-ticked to hell rly. in some ways, death is the 'start' not the end. or well, that is what i believe, i can't and won't force that on u.
    thing is: u can't 'prove' what is on the other side, u can never be 100 percent sure. u can think about or believe in what will come. what if u are right, and u will just disappear from existence. for what i think in tht case, u wudnt find the relief from pain u seek still, because u will not exist, u cant feel relief when your body is dead. neither will u feel the pain, yes.
    everyone has their own view on this. i believe if i had gone through with suicide, i wud be going through torment unimaginable now, and tht wud continue for eternity. i wud hav just given in to the one that has caused all the bad things that exist, in my life aswell [meaning the devil]. and i was ready to accept tht, really ready, because i believed i wud deserve it, that this wud be my repentance for what i hav done.
    but, for what i believe, i am truly, endlessly, unconditionally loved by God. it's just all too real for me. yes, i got no physical proof, but i feel it, i really feel it. now, imagine this: imagine the person u love most of all [or if u can't think of anyone, try imagining the situation at least]. and u love them with all u have, from the bottom of your heart, u wish the very best for them in life. and, u kno tht this person is not perfect, nobody is perfect, but tht person feels guilty, dirty, worthless, sick, and beyond, even though u love them so much. now imagine seeing tht person in pain, unimaginable pain, torment, that just lasts and lasts and lasts, and u cannot end it. and u see them scream and cry out, but u can't reach them. u see the person being beaten, stabbed, cut up, eaten, raped, burning, wishing they cud die, but they can't, because in some way they're already dead, but on the other hand, they feel everything and can't die to get 'free'. and now, imagine: that person CHOSE this path on his/her own, even tho he/she didnt kno of it.
    would u want such a fate for this person? even tho i don't rly kno u, i kno for very sure that i wud not want that for u. and im sure there are people who love you, tho maybe they're not very good at showing it, i don't know. i can't prove there is hell, and tht suicide wud lead u there, but that is what i believe.
    i hope u will at least rly think everything through. im not telling u to believe what i believe, it is all ur own choise, just remember: there is a chance hell and heaven exist. i cant prove it right, but u also can't prove it wrong.
    one last thought: what wud be the meaning of the world existing at all, if every person wud disappear after dying, thus life wud have no meaning, we wud just live for death itself, because tht wud be the only unavoidable thing in this whole life.
  15. SilentScream

    SilentScream Well-Known Member

    I can understand, that when all hope seems to be gone, when it's like you're being filled up with emptiness, when everythign goes wrong, even when it seems to be right, when nothing seems to work out, when you've really lost it and willing to end the pain inside.. that you want to end it all and escape from it..

    U really shouldn't do that, because; nothing is permanent in this world; nor are our problems, and I know out of experiance that lfie will get better, but YES; sometimes life can be really bad, and difficult; but yeah; the sun can't shine everywhere at the same time.. but you know..
    It won't rain forever at the same place either, there is a balance somewhere, it just really takes a long while to figure it out; sometimes even a life time..

    And I think that it's most likely that when life is being really tough etc; when u'r pretty young, that it really might get alot better time by time..

  16. LonerForever

    LonerForever Well-Known Member

    I'm really not sure what to think or believe anymore :( I'm an atheist so I don't believe in heaven and hell sorry.. Or a God. I just believe that when we die we are returned from the Earth we were born from, ready to start the cycle afresh as something else. I believe if I ended it, I would be free from all my pain. I'd be giving something to a world that so far I have only leeched from.

    I want to be appreciated for a change. I want to be able to have friends that don't just see me as a last resort when they've been through everyone else. I want to be remembered instead of just texted when they feel they have an obligation to, not because they want to. I feel like not a single thing I do right now will bother any one.
  17. truthhurts

    truthhurts Well-Known Member

    i understand what u mean tho. sry for the long post before,it's just that it's a subject tht matters to me very much. no need to be sorry for being an atheist, im not judging u at all. besides, i live in one of the most atheistic countries in the world [estonia], so i come across atheism a lot.
    for me, believing in God is just sth very natural, more like, i feel there's no way God wudn't exist. and there hav been so many moments where i just feel like it cannot be a coincidence by any chance, completely impossible. i feel tht love very strongly. tho yea, it's sort of hard to explain, and i bet, even harder to understand.
    im not gonna say thing like that you're gonna burn in hell if u don't listen to me and don't start believing. more like, i rly wish u cud see what i see now, feel the real serenity that i can feel now, knowing that in reality im alrdy forgiven for all i've done.
    i believe u can change your life for the better the way it is, instead of pressing the 'reset' button, not knowing well what will come after.
    and, you're not the only one feeling like this, everyone wants to hav true friends, i do too, i rly do. tho, people r not perfect. they're often much more like u than u can imagine actually.
    and by the way, if u believe in rebirthing, that can't rly be labeled atheism in my opinion. i think atheism is when u don't believe in absolutely anything that can't be explained, that's sort of 'supernatural'.
    i kno it might not mean much to u, and u don't hav to belive me when i say this, but i am sure that God loves u very, very, very much, just as you are, and wud not want u to be unhappy or feel rejected.
    the best advice i can think of to give u, as a person more than a christian, is to do the best u can for others, be friendly, offer to listen them out, and so on. it will also very likely make u feel better when u can help someone. that might help u find an inner peace.

    u r loved, hang in there~
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