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really messed up

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by vbuk, Nov 28, 2006.

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  1. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni


    this is the 1st time ive written on here. ive being going through a bad time lately. being through a v bad and messy break up. i dont want to go into it to b honest. im just so so low. at the edge. i keep thinking how to end it. without her im so so alone. ive made mistakes and ive admitted that. but she keeps having a go at me. i just got a text from her and it pushed me down. im falling so fast and its gonna b a hard landing.

    ive tried to kill mself b4 but was rubbish at it n didnt manage to do anything. my will to die keeps getting stronger.

    right now i cant stop crying or shaking. im home alone. there r so many pills in this house. i dont want to die. i dont. but its always the only option. i keep having panic attacks.

    i still love her and want her to be happy. all i feel is that she will be happy only wen ive gone. i just wish this wasnt the only way. i really hope she will be happy. find a new life once ive gone.

    Sorry for going on

  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    It's ok vbuk, been going thru a marriage break up myself and know how much it hurts and how much you kind of need to keep talking about it.
    Talking about it sometimes seems the only way to make sense of it, and I don't know if you've felt like me; but talking about it is the only thing that makes it real cos I can't get my head round it.

    You're at the very begining of a mess of emotions at 2 weeks I couldn't even function. We've been apart now for 3 months. I wish I could say the pain gets easier, I still miss him so much it's like a constant ache; but you do find ways to cope and (something I never thought would happen) I've actually been able to laugh again.

    Go to the docs for some anti depressants to get you over the worst of it.
    Talk about it as much as you want and whenever you want. You can pm me or email me anytime. Try to do things you like doing, hard I know at the moment cos you probably don't want to do anything.

    AND STAY AWAY FROM HER...especially if she's being unkind or hurtful.

    The panic attacks will subside (had em in spades) and tho you will be sad, the desperate feeling will abate..I PROMISE
  3. dilbertrob

    dilbertrob Member

    Good advice Devastated. I'm 4 months into a breakup and have had the panic attacks as well. What helped me was finding something to occupy my time. The pain was always worse when I was alone or bored. I threw myself into sports, taking care of my animals, anything that would provide a temporary distraction from how I was feeling. Find something, a hobby or anything you enjoy doing and take time to do that. Eventually, you will learn that no matter what you do, you can't make her want to be with you or love you if she doesn't. I've finally gotten to that point and it is a relief to not want to end your life every minute of the day. Good luck, I know what you are going through, but believe me, you can come out on the other side.
  4. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    thank you for your replies - i am feeling a bit better - just gotta keep my mind going. i had a really good driving lesson and its picked me up - for now. just somedays i get in such bad states. when im off work - like today im home alone and get so scared.
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Like I said before, when the bad times hit (I'm still having them) a quick pm or email (my email is in my profile) and I'll give you an ear, tell you a joke, whatever it takes to get you over the really bad times.

    They do get easier.
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